


What Are Your Hands For Now,  Severus?

by Hfflanders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, Original Character(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:38:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15677274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hfflanders/pseuds/Hfflanders
Summary: Post-War Snape has survived and is learning how to live with his newfound fame as well as with the newest professor at Hogwarts. Serena Barrett has taken over the Charms classes and has quietly charmed her way into Severus' heart.She is everything he needs, but can she break through his hardened walls and help him realize how worthy his soul truly is? Only time will tell.





	1. The New Professor

"That is our new professor of Charms, she is from America" McGonagall leaned over the empty space at the dinner table where the new teacher would presumedly sit. 

Severus looked down at the woman swiftly making her way up to the table. He could barely see her, just a flurry of long black robes covering scurrying feet. She emerged from the sea of students, no taller than they were, curls flying behind her in well sprung ringlets in a thick sprawl of wildflower honey brown. He could read the panic on her ovular face at being late, full lips parted as she kicked up the pace to seat herself with the already seated professors. 

She made her way past all of the staff, smiling warmly, still slightly frazzled while shaking hands. She gave a hug to Minerva and to Miss Granger, who was also new on staff this year. 

He made eye contact with her as she sat down beside him, the swish of air bringing notes of honeysuckle and musk. She must have been walking through the gardens. He could hear one word chanting faintly through her mind "late late late." 

She offered a small smile and a head tilt to him by way of recognition, facing forward as Minerva began to speak to the students and he was faced with a wall of silence. 

"Welcome back to Hogwarts, we are incredibly excited to welcome back our students after spending a year away in order to heal from the war. 

We have completed renovations to our home as well as remembering our sorrow at the lives lost within its walls. We don't take lightly the trauma that everyone has faced these past eight years and as headmistress, I guarantee you that we will be doing everything in our power to bring life back to normal and back to the security that we are accustomed to. 

I want you all to welcome Professor Hermione Granger to our staff, as professor of Magical and Muggle history. We are making strides to become more inclusive in our education and we are sure that Professor Granger will succeed."

She paused for a raucous round of applause and hollering before continuing kindly

"I would also like to introduce Professor Serena Barrett. She has graciously moved here all of the way from America, at Ilvermorny where she has spent the last ten years as their Charms teacher. She will be taking up that position here as Professor Flitwick has decided to take his much deserved retirement. She will also be the new head of Hufflepuff house and is looking forward to meeting her new students."

The hall burst into happy applause at the new additions, the Hufflepuff house beaming excitedly at welcoming in their new teacher. 

However, there was some nervousness in the shifting eyes as the students weren't sure whether or not to look at Professor Snape. 

Of course the news outlets had heard of Snape's bravery. They had latched onto him being a hero, a double agent for good. The tragedy that had been his loss. The tabloids had run stories for weeks, which ran Severus Snape as far into hiding as he could get. 

He wasn't a seeker of fame. He hated being plastered on the front of papers. But damn did it feel good inwardly to finally be vindicated against all of those who openly sneered at him. To those who called him a coward. To those who called him a snake. 

He knew it was the right precaution to take a Bezoar stone with him at all times, as well as a blood replenishing potion. He owed his life to Miss Granger for her quick Muggle sutchering skills as Potter took the memories to the Pensieve. She had held his gaping neck together, cauterizing his artery and veins with her wand while pulling needle and thread from her bag. 

He begged her to let him die, in the moment his pain was so great and his embarrassment mighty. She told him to shut his mouth, it was hard for her to sew skin in the first place. He would forever have a haggard looking scar down his neck, but he had his life. 

Now, a year later he was still dealing with the fallout. He was willing and ready to fade into obscurity, his name possibly bringing a dark shadow to Hogwarts. 

However, Minerva would have none of it. She knew they would never find a competent potions Professor like Severus anytime soon. He admitted that her defense of him warmed his cool soul. 

"I would also like to bring attention to Professor Snape. As you all now know, he risked his very life in service to this school, to our teachers, and to you, the students. He was awarded the First Order of Merlin. War brings about horrible choices, choices that none of us should have to make. Severus made the best choice that he knew. 

I trust him implicitly, as I always have and as Albus Dumbledore did; even to trusting Severus with his life. Albus gave his life for this school and he placed his trust in Severus to do his will. I want you all to show him the same respect, it is what he deserves" she said sternly, making deliberate eye contact with every student. 

Severus looked down at the table. He didn't need some splashy show of acceptance but he knew that the students did, especially the ones who had been there during his stint as headmaster de facto. He had played his role well, definitely too well. The lines between his two lives blurring more by the day. 

He hadn't wanted to do it, but Albus understood when he heard that Draco was supposed to kill him. Neither man wanted Draco to be saddled with that burden for the rest of his life. 

Severus was used to sacrifice, but this had been beyond the scope. He had to murder his best friend. The man who had given him a second chance. Been his confidante. But who also had placed him in such a precarious position.  He still had nightmares about that night. 

The jovial tone soon returned as the food appeared and the conversation flowed. He picked up his silverware, keeping quiet. He didn't feel as if his sour attitude was justified anymore. The war was over. He could be whoever he wanted now. He could find what it meant to be happy, finally. The thought petrified him more than his years of service. 

"I'm Serena, it's nice to meet you" came a low voice from his left. It was quiet and clear, but tinged with hesitation. 

He offered a small smile and head nod. She held his gaze for two extra seconds, not hostile or sympathetic, just seeing him. She was young, maybe thirty. He was forty but he felt so much older. So much more tired. He could still smell the honeysuckle. 

He snuck a glance at her again, she began chatting happily with Hermione. He noticed a moonstone ring on her right ring finger, which was tapping in a rapid cadence. If her choice of stone said anything about her personality, it would be that she was calm and peaceful while bringing about harmony. 

Her fingernails were painted mulberry wine, perfectly filed. He never understood that Muggle practice of coloring ones nails. Most witches didn't bother. Perhaps he should ask about it sometime. 

She turned back towards him, leaned in close, and offered kindly "I would be honored to have tea with you soon Professor. Or something stronger if you prefer" 

He didn't know how to respond, he had no narrative within to frame his life anymore. Had she asked any other professors to tea? Why would she just ask him? What could she possibly want? 

He had nothing worthwhile to offer now. He could make choices to suit his own wants. He could make friends now without worrying that they would be killed for information. There were endless directions and no particular goal. It was terrifying. 

"I would...Enjoy tea. Perhaps tomorrow?" he offered slowly, his voice still slightly rusty from lack of use. 

He had holed up at his home, books keeping him company for the better part of a year. 

She tilted her head, standing up, placing a slim hand on his arm for the briefest of seconds. He stared at his arm, skin burning. No one had touched him willingly, or without intention to harm for years. 

"She's very kind, isn't she?" Hermione remarked, a gentle smile crossing her face. 

Severus noticed the scars across her neck and arms from Bellatrix, she wasn't ashamed of them. He, on the other hand, did his best to hide his scars. His were not so noble. 

"Still putting your nose in where it doesn't belong, I see" he snapped, his usual sarcasm toned back. 

She rolled her eyes "You don't scare me anymore. And, you don't have to. Perhaps you would do well to remember that."

"What a shame" he drawled, pushing back his chair. 

He had had quite enough of people for tonight.


	2. New Friendships

"Thank you for helping me unpack" Serena thanked Hermione, pulling shirts out of her trunk. 

"Its nice to have someone around who has spent time in the Muggle world. You know that you can do all of this with magic" Hermione informed her, fluffing her pillows. 

"I know. I suppose I get more satisfaction doing it this way. I've spent ten years teaching magical kids, sometimes I feel lazy" Serena admitted, opening the trunks and putting her clothes on hangers in the closet. 

"I understand, I grew up a Muggle too" Hermione concurred with her. 

"It's a wild ride...I never thought I'd be here" Serena laughed, quickly enchanting her ceiling to look like the starry sky. That was something that only magic could do. 

"To be honest, neither did I..." Hermione sat down on the bed, letting the comforter slide between her fingertips. 

"I can't imagine what you went through...You're very brave" she pulled an apple out of her bag and handed it to Hermione. 

They sat together, quietly packing away clothes, mementos, shoes, and books. Sometimes, when you are very lucky, you meet a friend whose soul understands yours. When words aren't necessary and the companionship is easy. 

"I still have nightmares you know...Every day" Hermione whispered, taking a long sip of some wine that Serena had stashed in her bag alongside of the apple. 

"War is the epitome of human selfishness. I'm sorry you had to fight...I suppose the good guys won, but at what cost" Serena empathized to her new friend. 

"The cost is souls. It's always souls" Hermione answered solemnly.

"I'm a healer you know. I could help you..." Serena let the offer hang. 

She could heal with potions, augment the mind, let her empathic psychic abilities be of service. She was the best Legilimens in all of North America, but surely Hermione knew that. Her name had been written in books and journals, she had cured those long since cast off by magical hospitals. 

"Yes, one needs to only be around you for a minute before your very essence starts to take away some of the pain" Hermione complimented her, feeling the warmth from a true healers soul. 

Certainly any person could become a proficient healer, but to be born one and to possess the inherent qualities was very rare indeed. It was a bit like being an exposed nerve in a world of sandpaper and few chose to accept it. 

"If you sit back I could help you now? Crush through those social boundaries why don't we" Serena laughed, holding out her hands. 

Hermione took her hands, settling back in the chair. Serena concentrated her energy and imagined the healing energy, which to her was blue, flowing through to Hermione, cancelling out her red and yellow aura. 

"Open your mind for me, I won't be scared" she whispered, giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. 

Hermione let down her shields and images of dying students, desolate woods, screams of torture, and racing hearts filled Serena's mind. The emotions rattled her for a moment before she focused harder and washed Hermione's psyche with calm energy. It wasn't a complete healing, that would take many sessions and old fashioned talking. 

This was a step to take so that Hermione would be able to conquer her panic and fears. As well as make sure she was able to sleep well so she could teach and live fully. 

"Thank you Serena" Hermione whispered as they let go of their hands. 

"You're welcome. Anytime. There's so much sadness here, I will have my work cut out for me" Serena noted, her heart feeling heavily immersed in the depth of post war trauma. 

"I'm surprised that Snape accepted your offer for tea, he's rather cold" Hermione went on, a bit of awe in her voice. 

Serena shrugged her shoulders "I'm not a part of his history, he hasn't met me until now. It's possible he was only so callous because he couldn't afford to let people get hurt by being close to him"

"Or he was also an arse who wasn't emotionally equipped to handle the world" Hermione added ruefully, running her tongue along her now perfectly average sized teeth. 

"I'm sure that's in there too. Either way, I'm looking forward to classes tomorrow and tea with him" Serena stretched, laying back on her bed, the plush comforter warm against her cheek. Healing tired her quickly. 

"Be careful. He has a very sordid past and not many friends. Either way, have good dreams, thank you for the sleep Draught you made for me. I'll see you at breakfast" Hermione sensed her exhaustion and waved goodbye, clicking the heavy door shut behind her.


	3. Befriending Severus

Classes began easily for Serena. Her low key and friendly demeanor made her students feel at ease. She had eschewed desks in exchange for gigantic floor pillows and other overstuffed couches. Not that the students spent much time lounging. She had also set up a calming charm on her classroom because she believed students who weren't fixated on achievement learned better. 

She had never learned well under harsh critique and while it may be the easier solution, especially during the frustration of learning something for the first time, she had learned to control her temper well. 

Most were interested in her life living in America, to which she obliged over half of each class period and awarded a few House points to the student who could do the best impersonation of her accent. It wasn't an easy task: spending years in foreign countries as well as multiple regions of the United States made her words a confusing mix of hard consonants and nearly indistinguishable vowels. Out of her six classes, four winners were from Ravenclaw and two from Slytherin. 

Seated at the staff table during dinner, it really hit her that this was her new home and reality. The floating candles, the happily chatting students, the hidden layer of mistrust, and the overly polite conversation between staff which signified a lack of comfort. She took a sip of pumpkin juice, and pushed her plate away. 

She lightly placed her fingertips on Severus' wrist, while looking straight ahead she confirmed "Tea?" 

He nodded staunchly, eyes focused on his meal. She smiled, standing up with a swishing of her robes; of course her house elf Gracie could prepare her tea but she preferred to do it herself. Plus, she would be exhausted from dinner and Serena still wasn't completely comfortable with how much work they did to keep the castle running. 

A subtle knock at her door came soon after she had changed into a purple floral dress with a scoop neck and cinched waist. She loved wearing dresses, and the casual robes were similar but she also wanted to dress up a little when having tea with her new colleague. 

She waved her wand at the door and kept pouring the tea and getting the biscuits ready. Snape strode in, taking a cursory glance around before relaxing his shoulders. 

"Good evening Miss Barrett" he greeted her calmly, standing still beside the table, hands clasped tightly in front of him. 

"Please, call me Serena. Have a seat" she told him warmly, setting the cups down beside him. 

"Of course...I suppose that you should call me Severus, if you are so inclined" he replied with a vague disinterest. 

She tried out his name "Severus...Rather interesting name"

He took a sip of tea and settled back into his seat silently. She stirred in some sugar, not minding the silence. It was nice to sit without words, the unspoken anticipation between them. 

"You don't mind the quiet?" he spoke up a few minutes later, leaning forward in his chair, a curious expression on his face. 

She uncrossed her barefooted legs, rested on her elbows and shrugged casually "Words aren't always necessary. Plus, I can normally feel the intentions that people have. Words have no place. Your intentions are heavy. You carry the weight of men and death on your shoulders. It's very dark." 

She made sure to keep his eye contact. He might have been just a smidgen disconcerted with her lack of chatter but succinct observation. She didn't seem nervous at all around him. It meant that he didn't have the upper hand. It was a lack of control in the equation, and he wasn't used to it. She saw things that others chose not to, or were blind to. 

He decided to offer something "Aren't you afraid of me?" 

She raised her eyebrow, twisted her ring around her finger and poured him another cup of tea from her bright yellow tea kettle. It was shockingly out of place next to his entire wardrobe of midnight black. She knew he had killed people, Hermione had told her. He was hinting at his past, and didn't she know that? That he was to be feared? Luckily, she had lived long enough to see men who were supposed to be saints commit evil acts and not much intimidated her. 

Americans had been woefully under informed about the war against Voldemort and to the degree that it had intensified. She had read all she could about the war, the dead, the resistance, and the death eaters. She had read about Severus and his life as a double agent, serving two masters for over a decade. War was hell and the aftermath a sort of purgatory. 

"Do you want me to be afraid of you?" she asked bluntly. There was no place for pretense in her life, perhaps that was the American in her. 

He didn't answer immediately, he contemplated her question with a stormy expression on his face. He had always been feared, to him it had meant respect. He knew it wasn't healthy but his lifestyle had demanded a certain level of fear and intimidation. Now, the threat was gone and he had a chance to gain respect in an admirable way. He wasn't quite sure how to begin. 

She was waiting patiently, eyes colored with annoying kindness. 

"I've seen the worst of humanity, and participated in the show. You know full well who I have killed and what I have done, don't act as if you don't care or it doesn't change how you behave around me" he leaned forward, eyes menacing and tone low to convey some sort of threat. 

She may have seemed slight, young, and idealistic. But that was the thing about suffering, you either turned dark or you built yourself in the light. She had seen death in spades: civil war, famine and drought, and fought off offenders of the worst kind without magic. She may have appeared tranquil but her inner being burned scarlet. 

"You think me to be a dreamer? Ignorant and weak because I am kind? You don't think I've held lives in my hands? That the decision to choose life or death hasn't been etched on my soul? I chose mercy and that is my power. Do not question my resolve" she had leaned in closer, not willing to be intimidated, her voice just as still as her eyes bore into his. 

He stared her down, trying to decide whether to stalk away or stay put.

"No, Serena. I don't want you to be afraid of me. That's just what I'm used to, but I suppose it doesn't have to be that way anymore" he finally answered, with a heavy sigh of forfeiture; the vulnerability hanging on his voice, edgy and sharp. 

It was time to toss off the chip on his shoulder even if it was what was keeping him tethered to the ground. 

She stifled a little shudder at the way he said her name. It was difficult for anyone to catch her off guard romantically. She had never dated seriously, it was too much work. It was too draining. It took too much time and the return investment wasn't worth it. She wasn't seeking this with him, but the energy that rushed over her was unlike any she had felt before. Familiar and warm. 

She decided to test out his name on her tongue again "Severus...Perhaps you've done terrible things, and you feel ashamed. Or you close yourself off because it wasn't safe before. It can be hard to live normally after that. But I think you're trying, you just don't want people to know you're trying. I don't think you're that small of a man to continue living that way"

He cleared his throat, feeling his chest and esophagus start to burn. She was very succinct in her judgments. And very gracious. 

"And you are able to tell what kind of man I am? After a few dinners and an hour alone?" he rolled his eyes incredulously. 

"Yes. I have quite a gift for that" she smiled coyly, taking a sip of tea. 

"Are you an empath? Capable of reading hidden emotions like a book?" he questioned a bit defensively. 

She blushed. Not one Muggle had ever believed in her empath abilities. Emotions colored her vision like stripes on a rainbow. They pushed on her soul, seeping in and weighing her down. It was very hard to fool her, hidden motives springing forth like a jack in the box. 

However, the slight pressure she felt in her brain was different than the wave of empathic energy that washed over her. He was trying to use Legilimency on her inconspicuously. She wasn't so easily fooled by stealthy tricks; she had been trained by her headmaster when the divination professor stumbled upon her knack during a lesson on mind reading. 

"I'm not intruding on your thoughts. I wouldn't do that. Unlike you. Which you have been trying to do since you walked into my room. That is not generally how people communicate, in case you've forgotten" she told him honestly, a little tongue in cheek to soften the blow, easily slipping in the fact that she knew he was trying to break down her walls. 

He blushed very lightly and apologized. Legilimency gave him a necessary advantage against people but he wouldn't be able to be a step ahead in this situation. 

She smiled brightly. It would be fun to spend more time with him, he piqued her curiosity. 

"I would appreciate spending more time with you" she reached across the table and placed her hand on his wrist again, it seemed like a natural resting place. 

She heard him draw in a quick intake of breath like he had been burned. She realized that maybe he wasn't used to being touched and slowly removed her hand but not her hopefully understanding smile. 

"That is entirely possible. I should be leaving" he gave her a nod and swished off to the door. 

He didn't want her to know that his heart was racing at her touch, that no one had so much as brushed against his arm for months. People cleared a path when he walked through. He didn't mind solitude, but he was beginning to wonder if anyone out there could begin to look past his actions during the war. If anyone could trust him. If he could become a better man. 

Serena seemed neutral, level headed, and calm. Her intelligence and quick wit was alluring as well. He was very much looking forward to spending more time with her.


	4. What’s Your Story?

"Where did you grow up?" Severus asked her politely, adding milk to his tea a few nights later in her sitting room. 

"Well, Ilvermorny. My parents were muggle missionaries so when I got my letter, they didn't believe it. They thought it was a joke from someone in our village in Paraguay. Surprisingly, the local shaman believed me. Then he got murdered because people thought he was doing witchcraft. Because he was. My parents sent me away to live with my grandparents who just believed that I was in a super private, isolated boarding school in Switzerland. No joke" she blurted out the condensed story of her life, which sounded like a bad daytime drama. 

She had lived in various countries setting up church schools with her parents: Egypt for two years, Libya for one, Panama for three, Mexico for two, Haiti and Argentina for one year each, and finally Paraguay for her last year before school. 

She had always been magical; making things lift, shattering glass, setting stuff aflame, and levitating when asleep. She had learned to control her anger at the injustices she saw daily because if not, glasses broke, injuries occurred, and others got in the way of untrained magic. 

She didn't know what it was, fearing her soul to be in some sort of evil stranglehold. Her parents refused to believe in magic, which was fine until they decided to try and train it out of her. 

She still believed in God, but perhaps he wasn't so confined as they thought. Maybe magical abilities were an extension of his power and he chose who to manifest them in. Her family hadn't disowned her, but they had shut her out. They were afraid. Afraid of what they didn't understand. Afraid of what her magical abilities meant for her soul. Their communication was civil if distant. When she told them she was moving to England they sent their congratulations but nothing more. 

"So, happy childhood?" he replied snarkily, the compassionate look on his face betraying his voice. He knew what it was like to have parents who couldn't possibly care less about your life. To live in constant fear of a repercussion for which you did nothing to deserve. 

"It was very happy. I did school at my house, played in the jungles and beaches all day. I'm fluent in four languages and proficient in three more. I've seen more of the world than most and if I don't have close family then so be it. It hasn't seemed to be a loss for me" she answered with no affect to her voice. 

She didn't want to admit that it sometimes made her sad to not have close family. It was a deep desire to have a family of her own someday. The prospects were bleak at this point. Should she ever have children, they would only know love and respect. 

"You spent a lot of time alone, didn't you?" he asked without a trace of judgment to his voice. 

If anything there was understanding. 

"Yes, and I liked it. People are fine and I socialize but they exhaust me" she admitted with a big sigh. 

"It takes a lot of energy to speak with people who don't put the same amount of thought into their words. Shallow conversation numbs the mind" he commented with a small smile. 

"Exactly" she concurred, looking up from her spot directly beside him. 

There was a silent pact between them. Two socially anxious introverts. Two deep thinkers. Giftedness brought about its own challenges. 

"You have kind eyes" the compliment slipped out before she could police herself. That was over the line. 

"You are the first to tell me that" he remarked coolly, breaking her gaze and staring at his lap. 

"Maybe the others just haven't been looking...Your turn. Family" she pushed it a little further. 

He settled back into her couch, his sweater shifting and showing his neck scar. It had healed but the skin was still bright purple and would likely never return. 

"I am not usually so forthright in divulging my personal information" he mentioned slowly, looking apprehensive. 

"Who would I tell? And who would listen?" she asked softly, not wanting to push the matter but trying to speak logically. 

"My father was abusive, and my mother was ill. We were very poor and I was bullied quite often...By lesser minds. I didn't handle it well. I let myself fall into pity. I thought myself to be a bit persecuted which lead to...the need for power.   
They died when I was in my early twenties. I hope it doesn't sound too callous, but I don't miss them" he told her slowly, showing a small piece of his heart, face looking pained. 

Who else did he ever open up to? Few people, she was sure. He was brilliant, but being that many steps ahead of other people left you alone more often than not. She understood. 

She put her hand on his wrist and he didn't jerk away. He put his left hand over top of hers, cautiously, his long and smooth fingers were warm. She expected them to be cold. She bit her lip, it had been a long time since a man had touched her so gently. 

"You are so keen about touching me. You do it very often" he explained in a muted tone but didn't move his wrist. 

"I find your aura very calming. I suppose it's just a subconscious thing...Do you want me to stop?" she confessed, hoping that he wouldn't say yes. 

He answered by lacing his fingers up with hers, a gesture that shocked himself, leaning close to her face, his minty breath faint against her nostrils, voice ragged with vulnerability and a twinge of embarrassment 

"I've not had a person want to touch me in possibly my whole life. I'm not certain of what to do, but I am certain that I don't want it to stop." 

She looked into his face, hurt splashed across like a water balloon on pavement. He was trying to hold it in but it was seeping out. He may not have said much but he was bleeding, metaphorically. How touch starved was he? How much attention and affection had his life lacked? He only spoke with people when they needed something from him. She would make a change for him. 

"Your life is different now...We could figure it out together. No pressure of any sort of romance. I don't need that. I just want...Well...I just want..." she offered nervously, her palm starting to sweat, not able to finish her request. 

What was it that she wanted? Companionship? Closeness? Friendship? Mostly, understanding. 

"I would like that very much" he told her just as nervously, his hand squeezing hers tightly. 

He continued on his voice ominous with warning "I may not be what you envision Serena. I've lived a cold life. I've done horrible things. I've witnessed atrocities. I could end up hurting you, and I don't want to do that. I may not be the sort of man you're envisioning. Do not try to save me from anything." 

She stared into his eyes, full of fear. She had no false ideas about what he had done. She had read the papers, the stories, and spoken with Hermione ad nauseum. It would be different having him tell her willingly, when he was ready. But she had her own baggage too and if he was there for that, then it would work out just fine. She was ready to jump, even if she drowned. 

She stood up, hand still in hers, his hair soft against her cheek, free hand placed carefully at the base of his neck. 

She whispered in his ear, sweeping back the soft black wisps and letting her lips graze his skin "Why don't you let me worry about what will hurt me and what will make me feel good." 

He gasped, eyes wide with fright and on its heels; desire, flashing like sunlight off steel. He gripped her hand tightly, the sudden clamminess betraying his very still body. 

"Good night Severus" she whispered sweetly, kissing his cheek bone with her eyes closed, letting her fingertips linger on his knee before she left his chambers. 

"What do I do now?" he mused aloud to himself, for once in his life stymied about what decision to make. There were so many roads to take and no one to make the decision for him. 

He better begin to figure it out.


	5. Winter Longing

That weekend was the beginning of Christmas break. Serena had spent all day Saturday and most of Sunday grading term papers. Her brain was buzzing with information and she needed a chat to calm it down. She traded the warm, richly scented common room for the cooler dungeons. 

Staff rotated turns to spend their breaks at the castle and being the lowest woman on the totem pole, she was chosen to stay. She didn't mind, there wasn't anything for her to go home to. Anything she was interested in was right here at Hogwarts. 

"What are you brewing Severus?" came a curious voice from his doorway. He recognized the voice belonging to Serena. He continued stirring, if he didn't the potion would be ruined. 

"Nothing terribly exciting, Hagrid wished for a spray to keep the flower bushes from wilting in the sun for the spring time. He seemed very nervous to ask me" he answered with a faint smile. 

It was true, in the past he had made it his MO to be short and tough with people. He acquiesced quickly to Hagrid, who had become flustered at the sudden kindness. 

He poured in the last remaining blue liquid from a separate concoction in a circular clockwise motion, stirring it all together, but not too much or else it would foam and overflow the cauldron. The end result was a neon violet brew. It was a skill in itself to know just how much was enough. He took the cauldron off the flame to sit for an hour before bottling. 

"He is probably afraid of you, you can be short with people. I've always enjoyed the precision of potion making" she commented, pulling up a stool across from him. 

She was not dressed in her usual robes, the students were not here. It was strange seeing all staff outside of their teaching garments but her in particular. She wore Muggle style clothes, as did most of the younger wizarding generation. She was wearing a daffodil yellow, long sleeved dress with a low cut scooped neckline, accentuated with an emerald green pendant on a long silver chain and black leggings. 

He had never allowed himself to think on the body of a woman, the dark lord would have used it against him. He couldn't afford to have wonton lust because it would get people killed. He was allowing himself a moment of weakness. She was fast becoming his weakness. 

Her curls were sprung against her shoulders, down into the low neckline of the dress and hanging across her cheek. Her breasts peeked out invitingly. He wondered if she would jerk away with disgust if he brushed those curls away? His fingers twitched, but he held his hands back. 

"I am sure you would have mastered it" he complimented her, overcompensating for his desire to touch her. 

He was slowly allowing himself to speak freely with her, not monitoring his speech to the point of tedium, and coming to know how he truly felt about interpersonal relationships. He was sharp tongued but learning to be fair. 

"Was that a compliment Severus? For me? Completely unwarranted? What did I do to deserve that?" she teased sarcastically with a bright grin. 

Her two front teeth had the smallest gap. He allowed himself to smile but rolled his eyes. Her imperfections endeared him. 

He motioned for her to follow him into his chambers. He admired her ability to be so forthcoming about her emotions, that was a skill. To let your emotions be exposed but not let them control you. 

They sat in two overstuffed leather armchairs, knees to knees surrounded by floor to ceiling books and flickering candles. The decor in his Hogwarts home was significantly more stylish and modern than his estate on spinners end. 

He supposed that he did consider Hogwarts to be his real home. He never wanted to spend much time at his estate, it was simply a reminder of the abuse that he had suffered. Perhaps he should figure out a way to release it from his ownership. 

"Tell me what you feel right now" he asked Serena, genuinely curious about her gifting. 

It seemed an odd thing to request, feelings were often what he hid from. 

She leaned forward, looking into his eyes, soft and understanding. He felt the warmth radiating up his arms and into his chest. His spirit lifted, internally buzzing. He closed his eyes almost involuntarily to enjoy the sensation of ease. He could not remember a time when he felt this peaceful, his mind free from thought. This was pure witchcraft, her energy flowing through him, canceling out his fears. Hands tightly wrapped around his wrists, honeysuckle and jasmine sweetly surrounding him...

"I feel nervousness, apprehension, fear, and a tight control. And also willingness. Those aren't my emotions, they're yours" she assessed swiftly, her hands tight on his wrists. 

"Why do you think I feel those things..." he pushed her farther, wanting to see if she could infer intention. 

"Are you sure you want to hear that?" she whispered with a wisp of worry. She didn't want to bring down any realizations that he hadn't had yet. 

"Go on" he commanded, almost as if he was daring her. 

She looked long in his face with a contemplative and somewhat sad expression before she explained

"I think you're nervous because any kind of feelings could have gotten you killed. You're learning how to feel after nearly forty years. You're just not sure. 

Apprehensive because you have been alone for so long, it's petrifying to let someone in. 

Fear because I'm new, and having a friend is foreign to you. Not because you're inadequate but because you've never had any, at least long term. You couldn't, any close connection could be used to get to you. 

Control because you need to know what's going on at all times because of your past position and possibly that's just your personality. Because you want to let people go before they hurt you. 

Willingness because you are a brave man. You want to be kind, to let me in, to let me be your friend. To have relationships. 

That is the beautiful thing Severus, that you're willing to do all of these things in spite of everything" she let the words flow out, hoping that her hands on his knees would cushion some of the blow. 

He felt at ease that someone knew exactly what he was thinking. That he didn't need to explain. He didn't feel invaded as he thought he might. Either she was spectacularly gifted or his inadequacies were that obvious to everyone. 

He put his hands over hers timidly, they covered them completely. He was trying to get used to physical touch, but not push any type of romantic interaction.  She smiled immediately, flipping her palms up so that she could curl her thumbs around his. 

"I know you're not used to this...I feel your desire...It's radiating" she said to him as she moved her thumbs back and forth against his cool skin. 

His heart raced when she said that. He fought so hard to keep his attraction concealed, how long had she known? 

"No one else has ever wanted to touch me...Rather the contrary" he told her sharply, the pain rising up to the surface. The embarrassment of admitting attraction made him feel weak, and that put him on edge. 

He fought the urge to recoil, to pull his hands away. Any step forward always caused a knee jerk reaction to jump back. 

She held tighter and proclaimed confidently "They were wrong. I want to show you something. I think you should look into my mind"

"Are you certain? There's no going back from that..." he cautioned her, wanting to tell her that he would always know. That he had never looked at thoughts for good before. 

"Reclaim it for good. I'm offering it to you as a gift of free will. You won't hurt me. I trust you" she demanded, not letting go of his hands. 

He sat for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. He decided that it was as good a time as any to begin "reclaiming" areas of his life once stolen by dark magic. 

He spoke the spell "legilimens" and got oriented as her memories immersed him.

A small girl with haphazard curls was sitting alone in a corner, reading books while other children played around her. 

Another child yanked her book away and pulled her hair. Tears fell but she said nothing. 

A large man with thinning hair grabbed her by the shoulders, shoving her into a wall and hitting her repeatedly while she cried and tried to cover her face. He began to use his cane, the cracking sound audible and heart wrenching. 

Serena sitting by herself in a Muggle cafeteria. 

Serena receiving her Ilvermorny letter, looking confused yet hopeful. 

Having dinner with people at school, but not contributing greatly to the conversation. 

Being accepted but not feeling at ease. 

Serena teaching students the power of Charms, eyes alight with happiness while her students laughed along. 

Serena reading books in her study, the light glowing softly. 

Serena walking into Hogwarts, optimism in her features. 

He was shocked to see himself, having tea in her quarters. Once he left, she grinned goofily, staring at where he sat. 

He pulled back, breaking the spell. She had been bullied, but she didn't turn dark. She enjoyed being with him. She actually enjoyed him. 

"You like being with me" he stated, half dumbstruck. 

"Of course I do. You're my friend...Our souls understand one another" she assured him, taking one of his hands and placing it on her heart. 

He blushed, his hand was in such close proximity to her breast. He felt her heart beating underneath his hand, strong and steady. He slowly moved his left hand up along her sternum, neck and ears while his right hand traveled up and down her thigh. 

She leaned into him, eyes closed to enjoy the sensations. He heard a low murmur of enjoyment rumble through her throat; he readjusted his body. 

She rested her forehead against his, one small hand gripping the nape of his neck, the other on his knee as he gently ran his fingers up and down her neck and thighs, unsure of what could happen, of what he should do next. Her body was turning pink, the blood rushing in response to his touch. 

She unbuttoned his collar down to his chest, tracing her finger down his scar. He stiffened, immediately aware of how awful it looked and what he had done to receive it. 

She leaned into him, gingerly kissing the jagged gash as she whispered "You are incredibly brave." 

"Oh...please" he murmured with all of the air rushing out of his mouth, sounding very much like he was begging for something. 

Redemption. Love. Grace. Intimacy. Friendship. He supposed it was all of the above. 

He was being cautious, careful not to overstep that thin boundary line. Careful not to crash through the boundary like he wanted to. It was so unlike him to have any impulse, as his life had been previously calculated down to the second. He wanted to take her in his arms and uncover every spot and curve. Make love to her. Unite their bodies. 

"You don't need to beg. I'll give you everything I have...Everything that you want" she assured him, not daring to break eye contact, his breath grazing her lips. 

Her skin was smooth and forgiving, his hands gliding over her arms, neck, and face. He felt an unfamiliar tingling in his lips. This is what it felt like to want to kiss someone. He awkwardly reached up and kissed under her ear, slowly placing kisses down to her collarbone. 

She gasped, her grip on his wrists tightening. He noticed her chest rising quickly. It made him proud that he was able to elicit such a response from her. 

"Beautiful witch" he offered sweetly,  bordering on innocent, the compliment feeling foreign on his lips. 

He allowed his mouth to rest on her temple, the fine hairs near her scalp tickling his lips. What would it be like to kiss her? To be with someone who truly reciprocated his feelings? 

"Severus...Touch me" she groaned into his ear, her voice trembling with untapped desire. 

He allowed his hands to roam down her rib cage and hips, slipping his hands under her skirt, the edges of her panties scratchy against his palms. He savored the smooth curve of her backside as she sucked his earlobe, balancing her hands on his thighs, dangerously close to his crotch. She wanted to give no false indications of what she wanted to happen. 

He leaned in a millimeter more, hoping to make his intention clear, ever so slightly tilting his face to the right. 

Oh god she wanted to kiss him. She wanted to rip his clothes off and make love to him right in this chair. But she wanted it to be right. She wanted the pull to be too strong to resist. The tension and the build up was her driving force right now. 

Her eyes drilled into his, clouded over with lust. She touched her nose to his, close enough to feel the breath coming from his mouth

"I'll give you what we both want...I don't want to lose control of myself yet" she admitted to him, sending a shiver down his spine. Her voice held more than a tinge of regret. 

"I make you want to lose control Serena?" he mumbled, his voice gravelly.  

His insides threatened to burst at the seams as her hands moved closer and closer to his crotch. 

She raised her eyebrows as if to indicate that he was an idiot before chastising him breathlessly 

"You know exactly what you're doing to me...and someday, I will show you. You were made for me Severus...Your body made for mine." 

She enjoyed his touch, he was capable of being kind and not bringing pain. She was not disgusted by him. It was something unbelievable. Yet it made him feel just a little more human and less like a soldier bred to fulfill orders. Plus, she had promised to fulfill the moment hanging above them. 

He begrudgingly bid her goodnight, a light brush of a touch across her lips with his fingertips. She smiled, her cheeks turning apple red as she placed a lingering kiss on his cheek directly beside his lips, then his jaw, then his chin, and finally the other side of his lips. 

"Merry Christmas Severus..." she left the room, blowing him a kiss with one last disappointed look behind her, dress trailing in the wind.

He breathed out, it was going to be a long night. He wanted her to come back. To talk all night. To touch her skin. To get this damn tingling in his lips to stop. What a clever witch.


	6. Meeting Harry Potter

"Want to go to London with me soon?" Hermione asked her as they sipped a butter beer in Hogsmeade. The weather had finally broken and it was the first warm weekend in months. They had spent the morning sitting in a used book store, sitting on the floor surrounded by literature, swapping books intermittently. 

She had found a fantastic friend in Hermione, she may have been younger than her but she was wise. Now, they sat sipping from oversized chalices and discussing their classes and lives. It was the deep conversation that she craved. 

"Yes! I need an insider to take me around, I always get taken for a ride" she laughed as she remembered the flea market vendors hearing her American accent and instantly raising their prices. 

"You've been spending a lot of time with Snape. How is that?" Hermione inquired with what she hoped was neutrality. She had worked hard to see his side of things from the war, but she had a hard time forgiving him for his unnecessary comments to them. 

"Yes, he's very intriguing" Serena answered covertly, swallowing her drink. 

"What do you talk about?" She asked curiously, picking at her fingernails 

"What do all friends talk about? He's not a horrible monster Hermione" Serena defended him softly, not wanting to start an argument or invalidate her feelings. 

"Is he cold? Or mean?" she pressed.

"No. He is very guarded but I understand why. He risked his life for the good and the only thing that people saw was the bad. I'm sorry he was mean to you, there's no exception for that. I've encouraged him to apologize to you and I think he will soon. He's embarrassed. He has more regrets and pain than most. You can understand that" she laid out a case for him. 

Her heart ached as she held his hands while he suffered through panic attack after attack over the memories of the people murdered in front of him. His closest ally, who he had to more or less murder even though that was the agreement. 

She had been woken up recently by a shivering Severus, in his night clothes by her fireplace. He was ashamed, stuttering that he didn't want to be a bother. His eyes were wild with fear because he had dreamt of being back at a round table meeting with the dark lord. 

The tears streamed down his face and cold sweat beaded on his forehead. She could do nothing but hold him close until the panic lost its grip. She had placed a cool rag on his forehead and a kiss on his knuckles while she invited him to her bed. Had he not been half awake she knew he wouldn't have acquiesced so quickly. 

They never mentioned that night again. He never mentioned the soft thank you that escaped his lips before he let himself be charmed to sleep. She never mentioned that she stayed awake the whole night muttering incantations to keep away the nightmares. That he still whispered apologies in his sleep to those he couldn't save. She never mentioned it because the guilt was already too deep. 

"I don't mean to sound rude...I suppose it's just hard for me to separate myself from the past still. He wasn't mean to me, he ignored me. Refused to see my hard work. That was worse. I believe you though. You two seem to fit together, you always seem so comfortable. I've never seen him smile in public before you" she commented, hoping to smooth over the conversation. 

She believed that Snape had good inside of him, she believed in his bravery. 

"And any love life for me to prod you about?" Serena asked lightheartedly. 

She hadn't heard Hermione speak of anyone and she didn't want to ask for fear of offending. 

"No, after the war, my best friend Ron and I dated for awhile but it wasn't right. It was a relationship born out of necessity and fear. Not genuine love. Plus, he isn't as goal oriented as me and I found myself rather annoyed by it. Like I was constantly mothering him and getting nothing out of it" she explained, brow furrowed and lips in a grimace. 

"I'm sorry...Are you terribly upset at being alone?" Serena asked her, taking a sip of her drink and waiting for an answer. 

Hermione thought about it before stating "No, actually. I'm very happy. I've got work and friends. Life is going well and I am not searching for love but should it find me, I wouldn't close the door" 

"Hermione!" came a male voice from the doorway, interrupting their conversation.

Their heads jerked to the door as Hermione jumped up and ran to the young man with dark hair and the scar: Harry Potter. 

Serena had heard about him, all of the stories and lore. A rags to riches story. A fairytale of epic proportions. Or, a life lived being groomed for death. Expectations placed upon his shoulders that never should have been. 

Hermione walked over with her best friend, the energy surrounding them was easy and light. 

"Serena, this is my best friend, Harry Potter. Harry this is Serena Barrett, my friend and Charms Professor" she introduced them with a wide grin. 

Serena shook his hand, feeling a twinge of celebrity but quelling it easily because of how simply normal Harry appeared with his jean jacket and corduroy slacks. Plus, it wasn't helpful to endow people with imaginary power that they didn't actually have just because of their perceived reputation. 

They sat down, three new butter beers appearing. 

"Where have you been Harry?" Hermione demanded, punching him in the arm. 

He laughed, shrugging his shoulders in the same way that showed deference to someone before casually answering "I was tracking a thief through Russia, can't really talk about it" 

Hermione looked unimpressed "Auror work then?" 

He nodded, turning his attention to Serena "And how have you been enjoying Hogwarts? Have you gotten lost on the staircases yet?" 

She motioned to wait while her drink "I love it! I ended up in the kitchens, gave the house elves a bit of a scare. It's so charming and the students are lovely to teach; eager to learn and very interested in my being an American. I'm incredibly happy to be here" 

He nodded in agreement "It truly is home for me, but I don't know if I could go back now. Maybe to visit or something but it would be hard to stay..." 

"It's hard to be around so many memories when they still feel so alive" she ventured softly, hoping she hadn't crossed a line. 

He looked a little shocked but said confusedly "Yeah, how did you know?" 

She sat back in her seat, glancing at Hermione. She grinned wickedly, encouraging her to go on. Hermione saw her intuition as a sort of card trick, and it never failed to amuse her when used on unsuspecting people. 

"Well, Harry. Chosen one. Boy who lived. You hate the limelight, but you've thrived in it. You surrounded yourself with those who are strong where you're weak. You feel like you're a little rebellious, you're getting a little defensive. Don't do that. I'm just empathic. You've saved the world, now life is somewhat mundane. You don't mind that but you feel a burden to keep saving people. To make sure those who died for you aren't dead in vain. To keep making justice happen. Like you were born to conquer. Maybe to make up for something, maybe just because you're a good person. I'm not sure, I don't know you that well yet." 

He sat back, eyes widened in surprise. Hermione began laughing outright before telling him "Serves you right for never sending me an owl."

He sighed "You are good. All of that talent could be used in Auror work, you know?" 

Hermione grabbed her arm "No! You don't get to poach my friend and fellow teacher. Tell her about Snape." 

Harry rolled his eyes "What about him? He was horrible, but he saved my life." 

Hermione was thoroughly enjoying herself at this point "Why don't you tell him about Snape, Serena?" 

Serena averted her eyes, feeling a little nervous about this route of conversation. But, she wasn't ashamed of Severus, she wanted to be aware of their feelings. And, their relationship deserved privacy, everyone's did. 

"I'm spending time with him. We're friends...Maybe more. I don't know. Your history is murky, I'm not sure that you want to hear this." 

Harry choked a little, asking her loudly "What do you mean? He talks to you? Like, actual conversation? Are you guys...together?! He doesn't insult you and harbor weird latent feelings about your relatives?" 

Serena rolled her eyes "Why don't you tell me about him? I hold no qualms about his past indiscretions." 

Harry shrugged and went on to say "He was dreadful to us. He and my father hated each other, neither of them were thinking clearly. They were teenagers. He didn't have to be an arse to us, but I suppose it made sense..." 

He took a swig of butterbeer, rubbing his eyes under his glasses in an action that was too mature for his young body. 

"Maybe if I had been a girl he would have helped us more. I don't know. He took liberties with his treatment of us in order to play his role. But he saved us, loads of times. He risked his life. He almost died and Hermione saved him. We're even now. I'm glad to hear that he's moved on from my mother though, a bit weird honestly." 

Serena absorbed the information, feeling a bit conflicted. She understood all sides to all situations, but dealing with the emotions behind them was an entirely different beast. 

"I'm sorry that all happened. I really like him, he's not the same person now. He's got hard edges. I won't make excuses for past behavior, you should work that out with him. He feels terrible about it, by the way. He has nightmares still. Horrific, panic inducing nightmares. He's afraid of letting people get killed. You're not all so different." 

Harry and Hermione looked at each other, silently speaking in the way that only true friends could. 

"You're right. I may not feel kindly towards him yet, but I suppose a talk in the future wouldn't be out of hand. Perhaps its time to right the past" Harry concluded to the agreement of the two women at the table. 

They ordered a round of dessert as Harry began regaling them with tales of his fiancé Ginny and her adventures in the world of professional quidditch. Serena sat back, enjoying the casual comfort of friendship. 

———————

"Did you forget about me?" she called out goodnaturedly as she entered into Severus' quarters that night before dinner. 

He was sitting in his chair with a book open in his lap, foul expression on his face. He didn't answer. Rather, he ignored her. She bunched her eyebrows together in confusion. 

"Severus? Did you hear me?" she walked closer, pulling up the small footstool and sitting beside him. 

He looked up, his eyes cool yet burning "You still want to speak to me?" he asked sharply, voice dripping in anger. 

"I haven't seen you all day, of course I want to talk to you" she said confusedly, unaware of what was making him so sour. 

"I went to Hogsmeade to get some ingredients and I saw you with Granger and Potter" he mentioned viciously. 

The way he was speaking set her on edge, this was completely against how he normally treated her. He was acting as if she was a bother and as if she had done something to hurt him. 

"Yes, he stopped in to see Hermione. Why are you acting so angry?" she reached out to him, placing her hand on his knee. 

He shot up out of the chair, stalking around the room. Had she not been around him during his weak moments, this would be terrifying. He radiated fierceness and fire. 

"I wanted to stop in and say hello to you but I heard the conversation. Potter informing you of all the terrible things that I did to him as a student. How awful I am. How pathetic I am that a beautiful woman couldn't possibly be interested in me" he rambled on frustratedly, the hurt evident in his voice. 

"Did you also hear me defending you?" she asked him plaintively, unsure of how to handle this outburst. 

"Just leave Serena...You won't want to be around me anymore. I won't fight it" he turned his back to her, standing beside the large bay window overlooking the forest. 

"What are you talking about? You're being ridiculous..." she walked over to him, grabbing his elbow to face her. 

He shook her off, arms crossed in front of him "You seemed to be enjoying yourself in his company. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of that."

She felt a surge of anger radiate through her. It wasn't residual energy from him, it was all her own. He felt that she would choose someone else because of their reputation? Because of how people view them? He didn't know her at all. That their relationship was so shallow she couldn't see through a bit of glitz and prestige? That he couldn't see past his own insecurities to what was right in front of him? 

"Look at me. Right now" she demanded, stepping in front of him. 

He glared down at her, his eyes hard and defensive. She wasn't about to let him push her away because of his insecurities. Because of his jealousy. Because he couldn't be something to someone who he had desperately wanted. 

She grabbed hold of his hands, silently pushing through his brick wall aura. 

"Stop. I don't need healed" he growled, but didn't try to break away. 

"Yes you do. That boy is still a child, sent to do a man's work. You are fighting a ghost, Severus. Stop fighting me. Stop putting up walls. Stop trying to run. You know why people like Harry? Because everyone likes a hero. Someone who is just...Good. Someone to put out front who shines. A big ornament on an otherwise lackluster tree. 

But you kept him alive. Despite the daily reminder of what his father did to you. Despite being manipulated and put in danger. That's who you are. You're behind the scenes. You changed. You're all grey and dark" she kept pushing the energy through, feeling his resolve give way. 

"I tried Serena...You're good. I don't understand why you want to be around me. Am I your project? Are you trying to turn me into some kind of healed alter boy? Someone worthy of your peaceful countenance?" he bit back venomously. 

She threw down his hands, disgust flashing across her face. She stepped up to his chest, fighting the urge to point her wand at his throat, the rush of anger unadulterated and raw. 

"That's enough. You don't want to be friends anymore? You don't want to be around me? Fine. But don't you ever question my intentions Severus Snape. I have never been anything but honest with you. Whatever was between you and the Potters, you and Dumbledore...You were used, you were abused, and you hurt people. I know exactly who you are. You're not innocent but you are loyal. You have integrity. You love..." she held her head high and stood as close to him as she could, craning her neck up at him trying to gain his eye contact. 

A few minutes passed in silence, he refused to look at her. She pushed away from him, green dress whipping around her knees as she began to stomp away. He reached out, long fingers wrapped around hers.

"Wait. You genuinely believe those things?" he asked softly, eyes dropping their defensive shield and showing the depth of sadness beneath. The regret and shame. 

"Of course I do, you idiot. I've been telling you that. I don't like shiny trophies. I don't like austerity. I am not weak. I don't associate with weakness. I would rather be hidden away in a dungeon with you than anywhere else or with anyone else. 

Now stop pushing me away. And never talk to me that way again, or I will not be so polite...You won't like feeling the wrath of a Charms mistress used against you" she told him sternly, unwavering in her sincerity and not so veiled threat. 

"I'm sorry...I am rather...insecure. Not that many would guess. I just...I am getting attached to you Miss Barrett and it frightens me. I'm learning how to handle these emotions, and I'm doing it very poorly" he admitted, shoulders slumped. 

"Don't fight it, and don't give in to anger. Anger is easy, caring is not.  Anger masks what lies beneath. Anger is not the best of you" she assured him, brushing the soft strands of hair behind his ear. 

"Don't give up on me Serena...I've never wanted to try before..." he looked down, tentatively pulling her into his arms, resting his head on hers. 

"I believe you" she whispered, relaxing against him while watching the Forest swaying below. 

——————— 

"Could you help me with something in my storage closet?" Severus asked her weeks later when she came down to his chambers after dinner. 

"Of course...I don't know how you find anything in there; it's a biohazard" she quipped, his shelves were disorganized to everyone but himself. Perhaps that's the way he wanted it, so that no one else would bother it. She was itching to reorganize. 

"So much vitriol for such a tiny person" he bit back, a grin tugging up the corners of his lips. 

They walked into his closet, the dim light casting a yellow faded glow over all the herbs and liquids. He motioned to the ladder which she climbed up a few steps before waiting to see what he wanted. 

She felt him step closer to her, then felt his hands rest on her hips. He slid his hands up her ribs, then her arms, guiding her hands to the correct bottle. He covered her hand with his, gripping the bottle and bringing it down to the shelf beside him. Three more times he did that until he had all of the ingredients. 

She tried to steady her breath, she didn't want to give away how deeply she craved that touch. How she wanted nothing more than to let him have his way with her right here on this ladder. 

"Do you think you could help me make a potion" he questioned her quietly, face to face against the ladder. She only nodded, she didn't trust her voice to speak. He wrapped her up in his arms, holding her close to him, setting her down on the floor. 

She set up the cauldron, awaiting his instructions. He held her hand as they shook ingredients into the cauldron, stood stomach to back against her and they stirred, murmuring instructions into her ear, lips moving against her skin. She had her jaw clenched tightly, refusing to give away how completely on edge she was at his body touching hers. 

He wrapped her up in a backwards full body embrace, gently moving their bodies clockwise to get a full mixing motion. She knew he wasn't doing this strictly for potion making because she could feel his length against her backside. 

She was fighting the urge to reach behind her and run her hand along it. To drop to her knees and teach him another lesson. They pulled the cauldron off the burner, she charmed it easily to pour into tiny vials, still not entirely sure what they had just brewed. 

"I would say that I exhibit very good self control...How about you Serena?" he questioned her, his hands moving up her ribcage, agonizingly slowly. He was playing a game with her. Using her words to tease her. She understood in that moment how he could be vengeful and vindictive. 

"You're teasing me" she tried to sound angry, but his hands were trailing fire on her body and clouding her judgment. 

"Perhaps..." he smirked, closing the gap between them. She could smell the sage, vetiver, and sandalwood from the potion. 

"Well...What are you trying to prove? What sort of show is this?" she demanded, fingertips dipped inside of his waist band, brazenly gripping his belt buckle, sliding it out of the clasp. She could see his lip quiver, trying not to show that she was getting to him. 

"That you drive me mad. And I need it. I adore it. It makes my body tense. But I patiently await the time when we are both ready" he answered bravely, putting out in the open all of his feelings. 

It was one of the most frightening things that he had ever done. He hadn't been free to say those things to anyone in his whole life. He was terrified of the repercussions. 

"You're so smug. I can hold out just as long as you....But why are we depriving ourselves, if it's something that we both want? We can make it happen...right...now" she stepped up against him, her arms wrapped around his neck, back and calves stretching pleasantly, pecking along his collarbone and neck. 

"Because the best things are worth the wait. The anticipation makes it worth it. The build up makes the finished product...explosive. You want that, right? That explosive moment when two equal yet opposite forces...come together" he whispered in her ear, gripping her hips against him making it impossible for her not to understand what he meant. 

"You've got yourself a deal Severus Snape" she winked at him, kissed his knuckles, and ran her fingers down his chest before breaking away and exiting the dungeons, curls bouncing behind her, fighting every urge to turn around and make it happen that second.


	7. I Miss You...Let’s Get Together

"Would you like to have a nightcap with me, we haven't gotten to speak in days" Severus asked her at dinner two months later. 

The students were in the thick of the semester and classes were in full swing. The older students had been practicing "ignis augue" or fire making charms. 

It was a charm that didn't have much use in the modern world, but given that modernity wasn't for certain, she felt the need to teach it. Her robes had been set on fire no less than ten times. She was proud of their progress but they still had days worth of potential fire disasters. She could use a nightcap. 

"Do you miss me Severus?" she asked innocently, tapping her foot to his under the table. She kept her gaze on her food. She didn't need the students starting rumors about them. 

"I think you know the answer to that Professor Barrett. You're playing fast and loose with the rules" he growled back, slicing into a piece of roast. 

"Of course I do. I just want you to say it Professor Snape" she whispered back, emphasizing his proper title. 

He shifted in his seat, eyes rolling for the benefit of the other professors and students. She was certain that the other staff knew about their friendship, their nightly tea or whiskey, and they had graciously ignored it. 

"You owe me a game of chess, don't be late" he informed her, standing up from the table with his usual rigidity. 

She smiled into her juice. Tonight was looking up.   
———————- 

"You still want to play chess with me, the one who plays fast and loose with the rules..." she joked sarcastically as she entered his quarters an hour later. 

He grinned at her from his wide armchair, sitting behind the chess board. Straightening her button down shirt, she sat opposite of him. 

She had learned chess as a way to pass time while waiting for her dad at his school. She made quite a bit of money playing against the students there. Most didn't believe such a young girl would have the logic to beat students years ahead of her. 

E4. E5. N3. N6. Bb5. 

She took a shot of fire whiskey while laughing about her students mishaps that week. Severus chuckled, having seen his fair share of explosions; most by Neville Longbottom. 

She was close to winning. 

"I'm going to win" she boasted a few rounds later, gleefully watching as he scoured the board for his next move, to no avail. 

"I'm not a quitter...take my queen" he admitted defeat as she proudly announced "checkmate." 

She sauntered over, took another calculated risk and sat on his lap. He looked surprised at her close proximity but wrapped his arms around her anyway, her head resting comfortably against his shoulder with her petite legs barely hanging over the arm of the chair. 

She hooked her left arm around his upper arm, fingertips casually stroking his shoulder and tips of his hair. Her other hand was methodically moving up and down his arm, squeezing tighter on the way up then gentle on the way down. 

He leaned back in the chair, eyes closed and shoulders relaxed. 

"Were you in love before?" she questioned, feeling safer about asking since they weren't looking at each other. 

He took a deep breath, almost as if he was anticipating the question, and answered bitterly "I thought I was. I'm sure Potter or Miss Granger told you" 

She plowed on "It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Harry is not really the best person to tell your side of things, right? I care what you say. Stop being petulant and tell me about it" 

He absentmindedly began running his fingers up and down her bare legs, ankle to mid thigh where her skirt stopped. She moved her hand to his chest where she kept it firmly planted. 

"Lily was my first friend. I was peculiar and I wasn't aware of how to make friends. I was very hurt and I was an easy target. She was the opposite, very friendly, and kind. I turned inward and like I told you before, into self pity. I wanted respect but I found it in the wrong way. I don't blame her for turning away from me. She was right to do that" he explained softly, his eyes still closed tightly. 

"But then..." she prompted him, reaching up to his neck, reassuringly drawing circles under his ear to his clavicle. 

"Then I heard of the plot to kill them all. I knew that I needed to save them because it was my fault in the first place. I had allowed hatred to blind me and put Lily and her family in the crosshairs. 

I realized that the love I had for Lily was a gratefulness for seeing the good in me. That will be eternal, the gratefulness of seeing what I desperately wanted to show but was too afraid. 

I became a spy for both sides. Dumbledore was a master manipulator, he was no different than the dark lord except that his intentions were for the supposed greater good. He brushed aside collateral damage and put Harry in danger, many times. His expectations for mere children were ludicrous. 

Yes, I was horrid. There's no excuse. Hurt can cloud your judgment, if you allow it. And I did, completely. 

Dumbledore knew I had to kill him, neither of us wanted Draco to live with that. He sacrificed his life for the cause, and I almost did too. I knew it wouldnt be long before the dark lord turned on me too. 

A bezoar stone and plenty of blood replenishing serum and Hermione Granger's quick thinking with Muggle stitches and the invisibility cloak, and I was barely saved. 

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better if I had died. What I carry is so heavy...Rightly so" he ended his story, chin resting on the crown of her head. 

Her heart was breaking for him. The years of pain and self loathing was evident. Of course it was easy to say he could just change, but with what skills and experience? He lived alone for fear of anyone getting too close and ending up dead. He didn't want more blood on his hands. 

The guilt so heavy he wished he had died. All of these things she hadn't even known were happening as she grew and lived across the ocean. How do you tell someone that they aren't worthless and they have intrinsic value no matter if they're serving a greater purpose or not? She didn't know but she wanted to at least offer something. 

"She saw the best in you. Now, you have to decide if you're brave enough to let the world see it" she tread slowly, not wanting him to clam up. 

"You see the good in me...You see what I have to give. That's a start" he stated, his fingertips running up and down her shin bone to the inside of her thigh, ever so slightly pushing up her skirt. 

"I do. Your hurt cuts me like a knife...But you are still so imperfectly...lovely" she chose her last word carefully, it didn't seem like enough. 

"You're still not afraid of me? What I come bearing?" he inquired with frailty coating his voice. 

"I've never felt safer than when I'm with you. You are my grand protector..." she put her hand on his cheek, tilted his face down to look at her, and made sure he looked in her eyes while she said it. 

His entire face softened, eyes sparkling with pride, happiness, and fear. 

"May I..." he began, outlining her lip with his thumb. 

She nodded yes, lifting her chin up just enough to meet his lips. They were smooth and firm, but awkward. It was obvious to her that he had never kissed anyone before, his lips akin to kissing a stone. 

He pulled away, all of the confidence and superiority that he oozed had disappeared 

"Was that dreadfully awful?" 

She shook her head, sitting up and placing her legs on either side of his, facing him head on "It was perfect. I think we should try again..." 

He smiled shyly, which was an emotion she never expected to see from him, and leaned into her lips. Curling her fingers around his hair she pulled him closer to her. 

His lips had found a rhythm with hers. He was a quick learner. She opened her mouth, hoping he would see the opportunity. He slid his tongue in cautiously, moving along hers in a perfect dance. 

She broke away from his mouth, kissing his straight jawline up to his ear. His hands were gripping her hips, respectfully staying on her lower back. He sucked in a sharp breath when she ran her tongue up and down his neck near his ear. 

"Do you like this Severus?" she whispered in his ear, pressing her breasts into his chest. 

He groaned loudly in response, capturing her lips again, pulling her face close to him. He had his hands tangled in her hair, it drove her crazy. 

"What do you want to do now?" she pushed his hair back, kissing his temple, moaning into his ear. 

"I...I...want to touch you...May I..." he gingerly opened the first button on her shirt. 

She took his hands and guided them to her second button. His fingers shook as he unbuttoned her blouse, dropping it to the floor. 

He leaned forward, kissing the bottom of her neck sweetly. She let her head fall back, allowing him more access. He ran his hands down her back, easily unsnapping the black bra she wore. 

"Oh god..." she murmured, his hands cupping her breasts, rubbing his thumbs over her erect nipples, sending shockwaves of sensation down into her core. He kissed her breasts, flicking her nipples with his tongue, allowing himself to explore. 

He never thought he would be in a position to make love to a woman. He didn't think it possible to love a woman again. Yet, here he was. This was a complete love. Reciprocal. He couldn't tell her it was love yet. But he knew she felt the same. He was going to express his feelings openly, no fear. Not any longer. 

"You are so beautiful Serena..." he whispered, making sure he looked in her eyes. 

She smiled, sweetly kissing his lips. She pulled his sweater off, fighting to hold off her gasp at the multitude of scars across his chest, stomach, and neck. He was suddenly very self aware, cringing openly. 

"Your body is for pleasure now, Severus, not pain" she declared, her voice trembling. She kissed every scar, making her way down to his stomach. She made eye contact with him, non-verbally asking if she could take off his slacks. 

He nodded, face overtaken with anxiety. 

"Relax love, this won't hurt..." she took a long look at his slender and toned legs, strong from hours of standing, making potions. His erection was long and thick, a vein running up the side. She rolled her tongue along the tip of his penis, he gripped the armchair, yelling out her name. 

She took him all in, alternating her moves with her tongue and fist. She didn't want him to finish, but she did want him to experience all the things she could give. 

She stood up, throwing off her skirt and panties, showing him her fully naked body. She straddled him again, positioning his penis so she could easily slide over. 

Grabbing her wand from the table, she performed a quick contraceptive charm, feeling it band warmly across her pelvis. As she slid over him easily he yelled out and buried his face in her chest sucking and licking her nipples. She took his fingers and placed his pointer right against her clitoris. 

She moaned, feeling the vibrations start pumping at a simple touch "Do you feel that? Learn it the way you learn a book, memorize each page, every word..." 

His breathing was shallow and rapid as she moved up and down, allowing him to touch her as he wanted. She pulled out, much to his disgruntled objections. 

She laid on the ground, pulling him on top of her with her legs around his hips. 

"In and out, do what feels good, touch me" she gripped his hips as he moved in and out, gaining confidence in his movements. The pressure was building, she pushed into his hand and exploded, her muscles clenching around him. 

He pushed harder and faster, groaning with each push, he was close. 

"Severus, come inside of me" she murmured as he froze, his weight collapsing onto her, warm liquid filling her up. He nestled his head into the crook of her neck and pulled her close with his strong arms. 

"Serena..." he whispered quietly, stopping himself mid-sentence. 

"I know..." she replied, smiling and kissing his shoulder blade. 

It was perfect.


	8. I’m Not Going Anywhere

"I've never done that before..." Severus admitted when they were under his thick emerald and silver comforter. He was glad that she took the lead, he was a very willing student under her instruction.

He had Serena wrapped up in his arms, lips resting against her forehead. She was so small, his body enveloped her easily but there was no threat. 

"You were fantastic" she complimented him, lounging gracefully beside him. 

"You are being too kind. And lying to my face" he joked, burrowing into her shoulder. 

" Will you stay with me tonight..." he asked tentatively, not wanting to seem clingy. Not wanting to let her know that he was afraid of being alone. That night time was the worst for him. When the memories were the loudest. 

"I would love to. Maybe we should try again...You know. Practice makes perfect" she flipped over, kissing his neck while grazing his thigh with her palm.

"You're trying to kill me" he accused, easily giving in, cupping her breast and eagerly kissing her neck.

"But what a way to go" she countered, tasting the salt on his chest. 

————————-

"Please, no, no! Stop! Leave her alone! No!" he was in front of the dark lord, Serena shackled onto a table just like his dear friend Charity. Just like countless muggles. Nameless faces. 

But Serena wasn't nameless. He loved her. The snake was poised right above her throat, fangs dripping. She was silent but was mouthing his name. 

"Severus, hey, hey! Wake up, wake up!" he felt his shoulder being shaken as he came out of the fog. 

His silver sheet was wrapped around her chest, her curls wild with post sex bed head. She wasn't  afraid, she was calm. She touched his face, bringing him close. 

"Its all over. You're safe" she whispered as his face crumpled and the tears started flowing. 

He turned his face from her ashamedly, not wanting her to see him in a state that he associated with failure. 

"Oh Severus, come here" she pulled him into her, wrapping them both tightly, rocking back and forth. 

"I don't want...anything...to happen to you....Please...Serena...I'm so sorry" he stuttered through ragged sobs. 

She started humming in his ear and repeated a mantra "You're safe with me...No one will hurt you now. I'll keep you safe..." she held him tighter as his sobs continued, wracking his body. 

"The memories never stop, they haunt my mind all day. I'm a horrible man. How could you ever make love to a man like me?" he rambled on, his voice desperate, eyes wide with fear.

She kissed his cheek "War is hell, as I've said before. No choice is good...No one should ever have to live through that. Close your eyes Severus. I promise you're safe with me." 

He closed his eyes immediately as she said a quick calming charm. He relaxed, body loose, against the pillows. 

"You are a beautiful, broken man. I will gladly make love to you everyday" she whispered into his ear before snuggling down beside him and falling asleep.   
——————-

"Serena?" he sat straight up in bed, reaching for her, heart thumping wildly. 

"Mmmm, sweet man?" she asked sleepily, raising her arm over her face to shield from the sun. 

"I was worried you would have run away in the night" he half joked, taking in her easy beauty. 

The sunlight was streaming through the window, showing all of the dust particles lazily floating back down to earth. Her smile was easy, the lines around her eyes just beginning to crinkle. 

How did he get such an astronomical second chance at love? 

"I'm not going anywhere, especially not this morning. We have a lot of learning to do" she assured him, letting the covers fall. 

"Insatiable witch" he demurred, leaning in for a kiss that felt familiar even though they had only just started last night. He had spent a lifetime void of any type of affection and he was going to make up for it now. 

"Satiate me then, we have all day..." she challenged him, taking his lips between hers.

"I never back down from a challenge" he stated smugly, nipping her lip and giving into a deep seated desire that had finally been unleashed.


	9. Who Do You Love?

"You look rather happy this morning" Hermione noted as Serena sat down to breakfast. 

"I've been sleeping much better lately" she answered with a small smile, her lilac perfume wafting lightly into the air around her. 

"It's just about exam time, it's when the castle is at its most beautiful" Hermione told her happily, face alight at the prospect of exams and summer break. 

"Yes, something like that" she replied cryptically, swirling some milk into her tea. 

She didn't tell Hermione that nearly every night for the past few months she had been falling asleep with Severus by her side. Sometimes he came halfway through the night because he got lonely or he was dealing with any number of student infractions. Some nights she made her way to his chambers right after dinner and left as the light was just breaking so as not to tip off the students. She could discern his footsteps from any other person in the castle. He made her happy. Plain and simple. 

They spent hours each night reading, conversing, and making love. She would read him potions recipes, watching transfixed as he stirred, chopped, and crushed ingredients to form just the perfect concoction. He would help her prepare Charms lessons, keeping them orderly and succinct. 

His eyes burned with desire when she caught him staring at her while reading or changing out of her robes. His simmering intensity sparked a nerve in her that hadn't been set off before. When he moaned in her ear as he climaxed, every hair on her body raised in appreciation. 

"Good morning Professor Barrett" came Severus' smooth rumble from her right side. 

She looked up at him with a small smile, appreciating their covert demeanor. 

"Good morning, sleep well?" she raised her eyebrow.

"Yes" he answered curtly, sliding in beside her, starting to eat his breakfast.

She slid her foot along his, looking out at the sea of students faces, blissfully unaware of what was happening. His face lay solemn and irritated, which was normal. 

She angled her body slightly and ran her toes up his calf, stopping at his knee. The corner of his lip twitched, a smile trying to force its way through. 

"Are we still on for muggle London tonight Hermione?" she stood up and questioned her friend, who wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention. 

"Oh yes! We should stay over at a snobby hotel too and watch television" Hermione piped up excitedly, thick waves of hair rustling. 

"Fantastic! Let's meet up after dinner, in my quarters?" she suggested, patting Hermione's shoulder as she walked past.

They were going to spend the weekend doing all of the Muggle things that they missed. Movie theaters, shopping malls, elevators, and regular still life museums. They were going to order food at restaurants and skate at the park. Maybe even go to a few bookstores. It was going to be a welcome reprieve.

Intensive exams always made everyone a little testy and on edge, and Serena was being hammered by all of the emotions flying around. It was entirely possible for a wave of elation followed immediately by a rush of rage and the swift change threw her mind and body for a loop. She needed to get away for a few days to recalibrate and rid her body of the excess energies. 

She walked into her classroom, flipping up all of the blinds and lighting the candles for a calming fragrance. Her back turned away from the board, scrawling out essay prompts for a short paper when she felt two strong hands grasp her wrists. She smiled at the cool energy and whiff of vetiver from Severus' cologne. 

"Hello my love" she murmured, leaning back against him. 

"You were being very cocky this morning...Do you want us to be found out" he admonished in her ear, sucking on her lobe. 

She grinned "What are you going to do about it then?" 

He smiled against her neck "Nothing. I rather enjoy being the object of your affection. Unless you want me to teach you a lesson." 

"Mmmm...teach me then, Professor" she blew out a sharp breath as he slipped his hand under her skirt, easily finding the sweet spot. 

"I'm going to miss you this weekend...I haven't been away from you in months...What shall I do with myself while you're away..." he divulged, kissing her lightly from her ear to the back of her neck, biting down on the top of her spine. 

"Oh god...Did you lock the doors?" she suddenly remembered. 

All she needed was for a student to walk in on this. 

"I must not be doing my job if you're still thinking about the doors..." he replied silkily, easily levitating her a few inches off the ground. 

She gasped, giggling as he moved her to the edge of her desk. He pushed up her skirt, sliding off her panties, and began to lick her insides slowly and enticingly. 

She gripped the desk, trying not to yell out. He had learned so quickly how to please her, willingly trying out all the new things that he read about, or that she suggested. 

"I'm going to miss you too Severus...Oh you are so good at that...Right there...Please, get inside of me now" she told him in between admonitions, hands gripping his hair. 

He quickly unbuckled, arduously circling her clitoris with his thumb while he slid in with a wet click. 

"You are so beautiful. I love you. I love you more than anything in my life" his words tumbled out in rhythm along with his thrusts. 

She drew in a breath. He had never said it before, neither had she. But she felt it. She knew it. In the very depths of her marrow, she wanted to be with this man. They belonged together. 

"I love you too Severus...I love you too. Make me come again" she made sure to look in his eyes while she said it. She wanted him to know. 

He pulled her close, almost painfully drawing out her orgasm to sync up with his. She gripped his hips, digging in as they both climaxed heavily.

He straightened up, a contented sneer across his face as he buckled his pants; he picked up her panties and made a show of placing them in his pocket. She arched her eyebrow, a naughty giggle passing her lips. 

"I really do love you..." she spoke softly, legs crossed at the ankles, lips pursed in nervousness. 

He pulled her close, arms wrapped as tight as can be. He tilted her head up to his, voice steeped with raw emotion 

"I know. I really love you too. It's everything about you...I just want to be near you...You treat me so well, and I've never had anyone do that before. I love touching your skin, listening to your stories...All of you" he stroked her cheek lovingly with a long finger, facial expression soft with vulnerability. 

"You are one of the few genuine souls Severus. I'm going to miss you this weekend..." she was surprised to feel a tear sting her eye. 

She had never felt such a strong connection to anyone that she dreaded their absence. 

He smiled with a kiss to her forehead, chiding her good naturedly "Yes, but you also deserve to have fun with your friend. I'm not your whole life, and that's fine. Go enjoy your muggle vacation. I'll still be here when you return"

"Think of me tonight while you're in my bed..." she leaned against him, her hands clasped around his neck. 

"I'll save the memories for you..." he murmured, kissing her deeply before pushing her away toward the door "Granger will be waiting. Go."


	10. Girls Weekend

"Don't you miss this stuff sometimes?" Serena asked Hermione as they slugged back margaritas in their hotel room while watching television. 

"I suppose...It's just another lifestyle. It's almost two separate worlds and you need to learn how to live in both. There in lies the decision and what you consider a sacrifice" Hermione answered thoughtfully, her brain still sharp three mixed cocktails later. 

"I love the magical world. It's simpler" Serena responded, taking her final drink from the tray that room service had brought up. 

"Different rules. Different society. It all depends on what life you want to live. Have you decided to stay in the magical world then? Make your life there? Possibly call Hogwarts home?" she probed Serena, pulling her hair up into a twist. 

Serena smiled, taking a bite of a gravy covered French fry from the chip shop down the street. That was something she had come to love about the food in England: gravy covered carbs.  

"I do believe I have. I feel safe there. I've found good friends. The job is wonderful. It's a life that I have made for myself for once. Living my own way, not trying to be anyone else's image" 

Hermione smiled, clinking her glass to hers "The students love you, they're always talking about you. Trying to mimic your accent. You're a fantastic teacher. Snape loves you." 

Serena inhaled sharply and immediately started coughing as the alcohol burned its way down into her lungs. 

When she could speak, she managed "What do you mean?"

Hermione shot her an exasperated look "Oh please. Like you were fooling anyone. In your defense, none of the students know. Really only McGonagall, Trelawney, and I know. I understand you wanted it to be quiet" 

Serena laughed nervously and decided to go for it "Trelawney knows more than people give her credit for. I really love him Hermione. I've never been in love before." 

Hermione grimaced but quickly covered it up with a forced smile "I'm really happy for you. I can't imagine it. He seems so sour and I just don't know him. I may have saved his life but I wouldn't have done it out of personal taste...Rather just simple humanity." 

Serena winced, she should have been more sensitive to how deep the pain was from the years prior.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize. I don't want to spiral you..." 

Hermione nodded gratefully "Yes please. I don't need that image in my mind. But again, glad for you." 

Serena laughed, giving her a good natured jab "All of this English politeness. Just tell me to shut up!"

"Alright, shut up....please" Hermione started off strong but ended up giggling halfway through. 

The door buzzed shrilly, abruptly cutting off their laughter. They glanced at each other quizzically, neither one expecting anything. 

Serena walked over to the door, hand in pocket gripping her wand. Peering through the peep hole on the other side she saw the desk clerk with a note in his hand. 

"Yes?" she asked with what she hoped was authority as she was well past the tipping point of inebriation. 

"Phone message for a miss Serena Barrett" he handed her the folded paper and stood there expectantly. She promptly shut the door. 

"Good night my love. I trust you're having a wonderful time. I'll see you soon, and will welcome you back in a most gracious manner" 

It was a note from Severus. She blushed, envisioning what a gracious manner meant to him. He was always gracious with her, and sharp tongued. It was an oil and water personality that she was intrigued by. How he could be stone cold one moment and akin to melted butter the next was a fascination. 

When he lay asleep, eyelashes against his cheeks and hair splashed across the pillow, he seemed the most human; vulnerable and susceptible to the worst. He triple checked the locks while she re-silenced and guarded their sleeping quarters every night. She wasn't afraid, but he was and she wanted to make sure that he finally felt safe. He deserved that. 

"Who was it?" Hermione asked, spooning a gigantic heap of chocolate ice cream into her mouth. 

Serena smiled and shrugged "Just a phone call to say goodnight" 

Hermione rolled her eyes and joked "You can get the most isolated person in existence to find a phone at Hogwarts and call you to say goodnight but I can't even find a date to the three broomsticks. Tell me your secret" 

"A good blow job technique" Serena quipped back, breaking down into giggles. 

"You are now banned from talking for the rest of the night!" Hermione shrieked, laughing along, finding the channel she was looking for and turning on a movie for the two of them to fall asleep to.


	11. The Return & A Question

"Severus?" she called out the next evening as she entered into his quarters. 

She happily glanced around at the sage green and mahogany tiled walls, lit by warm wall sconces and small flickering vetiver scented candles. She ran her hands over the smooth black leather armchair, breathing deeply in the scent of dusty book pages and quill ink. 

Sinking slowly into the chair, she shook her curls out of the clip and settled against the warm leather to rest her eyes until he showed up.  It was still the middle of the afternoon, but she and Hermione had stayed up way later than they were used to and it was not as easy to recuperate from a night of drinking when you were past the thirty curve. 

She heard the door click open sometime later, fluttering her eyes open to take in his tall figure which was sauntering over to her with a smirk and squinted eyes. He kneeled down in front of her, both hands on her thighs under her yellow dress. 

"Have you had a good weekend?" he questioned politely, taking her hands in his and kissing her knuckles. 

"Where did you find a phone?" she demanded, trying to sound stern. 

He put a finger to his lips "That...Is my secret. You didn't answer, was your soul reprieved?" 

She felt her eyes start to prick and burn. She took a deep breath before answering "I had a wonderful time..." 

He looked concerned before joking in his signature dry manner "You are not a convincing liar. Don't ever try to defend me should another war arise" 

She laughed a little, holding his cheek with her hand, quickly leaning in and capturing his mouth. 

After a few moments he muttered around her lips "Is this a new manner of interrogation? I really like it..." 

"Shut up and graciously welcome me back. I missed you" she shot back sassily, pulling his sweater off. 

He smiled, eyes crinkling at the sides and laugh lines deepening his cheeks. He easily spread her legs apart from his position on the floor. Hooking his finger on her panties, he slid them off and began to trail kisses up her thigh, dress pushed up high. 

She rested her head back, savoring the feel of his tongue, slow and methodical. He was actually rather timid in the bedroom, preferring to have her lead, this was different.  

He was beginning to initiate intimate moments more and more, which to her was a sign that he was opening up. He would give her sweet back of the neck kisses while they were reading, she would catch him staring at her while she graded papers, and his overall demeanor towards everyone had become more respectful. He hadn't made a student cry all year, and that had to be a record. 

"Severus..." she gasped out as she tumbled over the edge, feeling dizzy because of the shallow breathing.  

He put his head in her lap, arms wrapped around her waist. His hair was silk between her fingers, some knots at the base of his scalp that she worked out gently. She lifted his head up, kissed his forehead, and pushed him back. 

"It's your turn for a gracious welcome" she ran her hand up his evident erection, pressing through his trousers. 

He used to tense up and be afraid to let himself go during oral sex. He would finish but there was no evident enjoyment until the one night when she turned off the lights and charmed him so he couldn't hear anything. It was his own fear of saying something out loud that was holding him back. After that experiment, he understood that he couldn't say anything that would turn her off during their encounters. 

"Can you look at me while you do it?" he asked nervously, twisting her hair back over her shoulder as she worked his undergarments off. 

She smirked, happily tossing off her bra. She grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts, and took him into her mouth. It was a slow marathon with this, working him up and then bringing him back until he couldn't be brought back. 

"I missed you so much..." she told him sweetly after he had finished. 

"Would you say that you like to be around me?" he asked her in what was feigned nonchalance. 

"And I'm the one who is supposed to be a terrible spy? What do you want to ask Severus?" she laughed, nuzzling his neck. 

"I have a question...Given what you just said. I wasn't sure I could ask it but I think I should. Maybe we would both be really happy" 

Her heart sped up, wondering what he was getting at. She nodded at him to continue. 

He murmured "Accio key." 

A small key flew out from his jacket pocket and he pressed it into her palm.

"I would love for you to stay with me this summer. Maybe longer, if you'd like. I sold my family estate to muggles recently, but I have a small home in the countryside now. It's not impressive but it is quiet and full of books. There are flowers in the fields. I know you fancy them, and I want you to have what you like...Because I love you" 

He sat back with what appeared to be baited breath and fear. She grinned. There was nothing to think about. She had been wondering how she would get through the summer being away from him, not that she couldn't do it. She was used to being separated from people that she cared about but this was easily turning into something more. 

She wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering into his ear "I will go anywhere with you. Anytime. I want my life joined with yours because I love you too" 

He squeezed her tightly, the two of them in a heap of limbs on the floor beside the chair. 

He confessed into her ear "You have cracked my soul wide open and made your home there. You are more than welcome. Always."


	12. Home

"I don't normally apparate with wizards that I just met" Serena joked coyly as Severus held out his arm to her the next weekend after the students had all gone home for break. 

"You don't trust my charm and good looks?" he cocked his eyebrow and smiled at her, his dark robes looking supremely out of place in the bright gardens outside of the Hogwarts property. 

"I could take a chance on you, I suppose" she answered taking his arm and waiting for the feeling to drop out of her stomach. 

The world went black for a few seconds and she found herself in front of a charming white cottage covered by an espresso brown wooden roof with dropped eaves. All around her was nothing but rolling green hills filled with lavender, daisies, and other assorted wildflowers. A gigantic weeping willow stood beside the house, offering an idyllic nook under which to read or write. It was perfect. 

"This is beautiful Severus!" she exclaimed, stamping her feet a little. 

"It's very quiet, will you be alright with that?" he asked her a little nervously, lacing his fingers up with hers. 

"We can go anywhere in the world in literally two seconds with magic. Being alone is a very relative term" she reminded him. 

Sometimes he forgot that she came from a world where life took way more time and effort to live and travel. 

"Of course" he nodded, opening the rounded green door for her. 

Stepping inside she noted the open floor layout with the same rich mahogany floors as the roof. The walls were a surprisingly bright cream with elegant high candlesticks on the walls and a wrought iron chandelier over the tall dining room table. The living room held two overstuffed emerald chairs, a small loveseat, as well as a small glass and iron coffee table in the middle stacked high with books and parchment. 

It was all elegant and minimal, very much like Severus. It was bright and airy though, which said something about how he wanted his world to be now, or perhaps he did that for her. Either way, it was lovely.  

She walked straight ahead and saw the kitchen to her left. The countertops were a swirled white and grey granite with black walnut cabinetry. It was completely void of any clutter or personal items. It didn't take much to live as a single man, especially one who could summon anything with the flick of a wand. 

"This is all very...You. And I love it" she turned to him, pulling him into a hug. 

"You're welcome to do whatever you would like...I want you to feel comfortable, this is your home too" he told her a little uneasily, thinking that it was all too bare for her taste. 

"Show me the bedroom" she demanded, kissing his neck. 

"What's the muggle tradition? Carrying ones partner over the threshold?" he wondered aloud, easily picking her up. 

"Close enough" she murmured, biting his neck. 

He carried her into the master bedroom with the navy blue walls and the same high black candlestick holders on the wall with long white candles sitting in them. The bed was massive, covered by a black silk comforter and white crocheted style quilt at the foot of it. A cedar chest sat at the foot of the bed with the Hogwarts emblem burned into it. 

She relished the feel of his weight on top of her as she sunk into the mattress. He had become adept at undressing her while simultaneously kissing, his tongue always performing a delicate dance with hers. Wordlessly, with a simple thought, all of his clothes were on the floor and the contraceptive charm in place. 

"There's something so incredibly attractive about having a naked witch perform magic on me..." he commented drily, long fingers cupping her breasts and nipples. 

"Welcome me home Severus. God, your body feels so good" she told him as he slipped into her, pushing in and out with slow and controlled movements. 

"Shall I make you come first, or should I fill you up?" he questioned smoothly, his skills at dirty talk bordering on the erotic. 

"Fuck me first, you know how I like it" she returned the erotic back as he held her hips in place and moved in and out, finally coming to her groans and exultation. It took next to no time for him to find her center and rub out two orgasms between his fingertips.

"You are becoming such a brazen woman...I love you Serena" he said sweetly, cleaning her up with his wand.

"I love you too. I'll always be your brazen little witch, do you want to punish me? Make me apologize..." she climbed on top of him, running her tongue up and down his salty neck. 

He lay still, suddenly not reacting to her actions. She sat up beside him looking concerned. 

"What? Did I say something wrong?" she questioned him gently, caressing his cheek. 

He sat up stone faced, eyebrows drawn together. She focused in on him, she had gotten so used to his energy that sometimes it didn't register immediately when it shifted. 

He was angry, but it wasn't being rolled off towards her. It was being internalized. There was embarrassment and shame. She felt it simmering like a cauldron about to boil over. 

His eyes were sharp as he spit out "I don't need to hurt people. I don't need to make you feel bad to make myself feel good. I don't need to mistreat you or disrespect you to have sex. I'm not innately cruel!" 

She sat back, a little stunned. She had never thought that about him, she didn't realize playing into rough sex might make him feel like he was hurting her. Like he was giving into something dark within himself. 

"I don't think that. I know you're not evil, Severus" she tried to calm him down.  

They had used dirty talk many times, it was never demeaning. She thought it was funny and endearing, and he never hurt her. Something about this situation was harmful to him. They never read each other's minds without consent, though both certainly could. Wandless magic and mind reading were their top abilities.  

"Let me see" she whispered, touching her forehead to his. It may be easier to see than have him explain at first. 

He shook his head and denied her vehemently "No. I won't let you. Don't look. You don't need to see it."

She placed her hand on his chest, forcing him to look into her eyes, trying to dispel peaceful energy into the air. 

"Please. Trust me to see you" she muttered, trying to get him to acquiesce. 

He eventually nodded, but not before begging her "Please don't think less of me" 

She spoke the spell silently, taking a second to orient herself to the surroundings. The room was dark, only a long table with chairs. It appeared to be an old house, perhaps a basement. She saw a tall and thin man walk in, opalescent skin radiating whiteness through the dark room. 

She gasped in realization: it was the former dark lord Voldemort. He was chilling even in memory form. She saw Severus walk in behind him, along with a blonde haired man, a curly haired woman who she recognized as Bellatrix Lestrange, and several others who she didn't know. 

The two men at the end brought in a woman who was bound and gagged, levitating her to the table. A shiver ran down her spine as Voldemort commanded Severus to immobilize her. He took a long look at her, barely out of her teens with long brown hair and wide set eyes, full of fright. He immobilized her and took his seat. 

She stifled a gasp and gag as several of the younger members took turns practicing the unforgivable curses. Torturing her. Severus sat silently, eyes looking down at his lap. It went on for awhile, her stomach feeling queasy as the poor woman was twisted and contorted. 

Once everyone had tired, they left Severus and the dark lord with the still immobilized girl. Voldemort left and she watched as Severus performed a spell on her, freed her bindings, and placed a piece of paper into her hands. She promptly disappeared. Serena realized it had been a portkey. He took a deep breath, and left the room. 

The vision disappeared and others begin to flash through of him being told to harm others by Voldemort. He was blank faced as he performed the Cruciatus curse, or as he immobilized the victims while Voldemort read their minds and used their own thoughts and fears to drive them mad. 

A vision of him at a much younger age, sitting alone and brooding.  She saw him writing in a book, peering closer she saw the words: for enemies, and a spell for what she assumed was splitting a body. 

She felt the overwhelming rage as he was assaulted by Harry's twin, his father James. The fear when he found himself face to face with a werewolf and subsequent memory of the confrontation when he found out who had set it up. Shame burned her face as she watched him stripped naked in front of a group of onlookers. 

Harry came into vision and she heard him yell out "Fight back! Coward!" 

Severus turned and cried out "Don't call me a coward!" and he allowed her to see him later, alone, sobbing over his friend Dumbledore. He had agreed to Dumbledore's plan, but as a last resort. He wanted to die. He deserved it. He had been fighting for redemption while dueling with a dark need for respect in any form. He was realizing how he didn't fit in with the dark side. He realized possibly too late. 

The last memory he showed her was in the afterglow of the first night they spent together. She had fallen asleep, and he stayed awake, propped up on his elbow. He twirled a curl around his finger and softly placed a kiss on her temple. He had a look of confusion flutter across his face. Then he pulled out his wand from the bedside table and out flew a dove. He smiled and settled down to sleep. 

Her heart thudded an extra beat: that was her patronus. A white dove to symbolize peace and harmony. 

She sat back as the world came into focus again. He lay his head against the backboard of the bed, looking stricken and sick. Honestly, she didn't blame him. And that wasn't even a fraction of what he had experienced. The weight of it all was crushing. 

The need to prove that you weren't evil while questioning it yourself. How much blame do you place on yourself for how you react to what others have done to you? You can only control yourself, and what if you lacked the impulse for good. Could it grow? Could your impulse change over time? 

She didn't know what to say. How he managed to live with himself was beyond her recognition. Of course she could logic it out: he was given orders and he fulfilled them. But how much of the orders actually coincided with what he agreed with? How much did he play into the part to fulfill his own anger? 

When someone treated others with so little respect, they were hiding a frail sense of self. A damaged ego spoke louder than a whole one. Had he managed to mend himself? Would he continue to heal? Could he in any way hurt her? Even without meaning to? 

He tapped her forehead with a long finger and she nodded, mentally allowing her shields down. 

I won't be offended if you leave. I will understand. 

She looked at him for a long moment, body completely defeated, either by remorse or sheer exhaustion due to the intensity of the memories. She returned back 

I'm not leaving. 

His eyes filled with tears, squinted tight and refusing to make contact with her. 

You're ashamed of me. You're afraid. Now you know. 

She felt a little frustrated at his self deprecation and self pity. It seemed as if he was looking for a reason to push her away. 

I may be afraid, but not of you now. Not who you're becoming. You have a lot to be sorry for but you don't need to wallow. If you want to push me away, figure out another way. Quit deflecting. 

He sighed exasperatedly before snipping "you can't possibly be this understanding. I just told you that I've killed people! My ego was the reason that Potter is an orphan. My soul is akin to Swiss cheese and you're acting as if I just told you I prefer coffee to tea. It's rather annoying!" 

A spark of anger flared up and she decided to allow emotionality into play 

"Fine. It makes me sick what I just saw. I wonder what kind of person could do that? What kind of person could allow themselves to be played? What kind of person mocks children and threatens them to the point of anxiety attacks? What kind of person grows accustomed to such morbid acts of violence and perversity? What kind of person allows such rage and pity to fester into something so grotesque? What kind of person literally takes the life of another? 

I know that you've done all of those things. I'm not ignorant. We all have a dark streak. Admittedly, yours runs deeper than most. You need to come to terms with what you've done, and start fixing it. Because I won't be with someone who lets themselves rot away when they still have so much life left" 

He looked shocked that she would say something so raw but he also looked a little bit pleased that she was being brutally honest. He looked down in his lap as he admitted 

"I let it happen. I don't like hurting people but I let it happen. That makes me just as guilty. I'm afraid that a part of me is truly evil and I don't want it to be" 

She lowered her voice and kissed his cheek before continuing "You fight so hard against the darkness. You are a light. Believe in your own goodness. I do. The staff does, they've all spoken with nothing but high regard for your newfound respect of them. The students too.  

Not one has complained to me all year about you, on the contrary they were learning out of interest. You are all grey, but how you choose to continue is what will define you from now on" 

He took a deep breath and tentatively reached for her hands "I promise you won't need to give me a motivational speech every night...I just...I don't want you to get the wrong idea about who I am or what I need. Or, what I can and can't give to you" 

She brushed the hair back from his forehead "I don't expect you to be my savior. You shouldn't expect me to be yours either. We're just two people who found each other. Who decide to love each other. My love isn't easily earned or lost. What about yours?" 

Relief washed over his face like a wave. He touched her cheek and answered "Loyal to a fault. What do we do now..." 

She was at a loss for words. They couldn't just gloss over the severity of what happened and what he shared. But it had to be tackled in small increments. Not all at once. 

"We be together..." she sidled up beside him, laying her head onto his chest and wrapping her legs around his. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as tightly as he could.


	13. The Morning After

The next morning the sunlight streaming through the wide windows woke Serena up. Cozily cradled against Severus, her legs wrapped around his and arm slung across his stomach; a smile involuntarily slid across her cheeks. She tried not to move and wake him, she wanted to appreciate his sharp and unique attractiveness. His straight bridge nose and dark brows coming together to form what most would consider an intimidating face but she considered it worthy of a second glance. 

He was relaxed in his sleep for once, last nights confession had mellowed him. Perhaps he had been waiting a long time to confess what he feared and she was the only person who had been willing to listen and willing to stay long enough to wait for him to be able to share it. 

She reached up and stroked his face, moving his hair back. Leaning up she kissed his forehead, temple, cheek, and down his neck. She saw him smile and felt his fingers twitch against her back. 

"Good morning my love" she whispered in his ear, running her fingers through his hair. All little gestures of affection that he had never received before her and that she was determined to make up for. 

"I'm so glad you're still here...I love you more than anything else in my life and...I don't feel worthy of you sometimes. I suppose that I'm rather stunted" he admitted timidly, allowing his fingers to roam leisurely across her arms, stomach, and chest. 

"You're my best friend, my partner, the one who my soul loves. I'm not leaving you. You want to be seen, and be known for who you truly are. And I see that. We're going to grow through this, and heal. And your soul will soar from now on..." she promised him wholeheartedly. 

"I will never hurt you Serena. I want you to know that. Even in jest...It's not going to be possible...I've done enough hurting for multiple lifetimes" he informed her, gently placing kisses down her neck and breasts, his strong hands raising goosebumps on her hips. 

"I understand now Severus. I didn't mean to do that to you. It just means we have a lot more to learn about each other. You deserve kindness and love, and I'm going to give it to you" she told him, leaning back and exposing her breasts and stomach to him. 

He took her breast in his warm mouth, rolling the nipple of the other breast in his hand. He covered every inch of her body with his tongue and lips, kissing and licking while massaging her muscles with a tenderness she hadn't felt before. 

"Can you say my name, tell me you love me?" he questioned her quietly from his place on her back. He was straddling her as he massaged her shoulders and licked her spine. 

"Severus...I love you. So much. You are the best for me" she muttered into the pillow, thoroughly enjoying his fingertips exploring her body. 

He laid against her, professing his love against her neck. He rolled her to her back and easily slid into her body, savoring the feel and intimacy of the moment. He wouldn't take for granted the ability to express and receive love ever again. Looking into her eyes he saw nothing but admiration and respect. 

It was going to be a glorious summer.


	14. Apologies

A month into their summer break and both had become accustomed to the others presence. Serena preferred to get up late and make a brunch of sorts, the muggle way. 

She insisted that it tasted better because of the effort put into it and Severus didn't complain because he loved to watch her do the things that she loved as well as be a student to her patient administrations as she taught him how to flip an over easy egg without breaking the yolk. 

She taught him the delicacy of French press coffee and the bliss of reading a book underneath a well shaded tree while sipping said coffee. 

He enjoyed teaching her how to brew expert potions as well as infirmary staples, which she mastered in two trial brews at most. Her mind was cunning and lightning fast, able to keep him on his toes and unaware of his own insecurities because of how adept she was at handling his giftedness; the reason behind the adeptness being her own great skill in matters of intelligence. 

She was also currently in the process of making a wand that could sense sickness in witches and wizards before it manifested into something more and required hospitalization. The only time he had ever seen her truly lose her patience and let anger overcome her was when using a complicated charm to instill internal imaging and the wand lay limp, refusing to be charmed. 

She had stomped her foot much like a petulant child, demanded to know why wizards couldn't just use x-rays, and threw the wand as far into the field as she could; only to have her tortoiseshell owl Oscar bring it back later in his beak. 

He proudly waited to be commended for his actions when he dropped it off in her lap. She had given him a perfunctory treat and stuffed the wand under the couch cushion for a week. 

That afternoon she stood in the doorway, watching him read the Daily Prophet. He wore grey corduroy slacks, a green polo tee shirt, and a low ponytail. His sharp nose was bent low to the page, deeply concentrating on the words. 

She enjoyed watching him while he was relaxed, it showed a different side that rarely came out. A side that was raw and spirited. One who was enjoying life free from restriction of who he could and couldn't be. 

"Any particular reason you're watching me?" he drawled unconcerned and not even bothering to look up from his spot on the corner of the couch. 

She smiled, his sarcasm was a welcome gift. It was no longer stinging in its recourse, but rather witty and light. 

"I just like what I see and I want to look at it. If that's okay with you" she smirked back, making her way over to sit beside him with her own book. 

"I really should tell you everyday of your beauty and intellect. It never fails to catch me unaware. I always find something new to marvel at" he remarked, his praises beginning to flow easily like river water after a heavy rain. 

"Would you like to visit Muggle London? Or go to America, my favorite city there is Minneapolis, it's cold and full of forests. We haven't left the house in over a month, and even for me that's extreme" she joked. 

She wasn't sure if he was ready to announce their relationship to the wizarding community by parading through Diagon Alley, or even if that was safe. Instead she offered something relatively low risk in her mind. 

She was proud of their relationship but she wasn't naive to the fact that Severus had never had a partner before, let alone one who he could display in public due to his secretive work. He had put a romantic relationship on hold and she wasn't sure how hard he had to fight off potential suitors but from the memories he had shown her, it didn't seem like any. Not that he didn't want to, she was sure. 

She felt the longing that radiated off of him when they were together in bed and the unadulterated admiration in his gaze when she caught him staring at her over his book. The way he wrapped him arms around her from behind as she cooked and how he rested his head on her shoulder gave her the impression that he had fantasized about being in that scenario for years and she was proud to be the one that he had chosen to live it out with. 

"I must owl Minerva for tea, she needs to be the first to be officially informed of our relationship status. Not that she doesn't have an inkling or knowledge yet, I'm sure" he informed her, squeezing her hand. 

He called for Oscar, who flew in through the open window and landed affectionately on his shoulder. He used his wand to inscribe a message to Minerva and tied it to Oscar's leg before sending him off with a quick head pat. 

Oscar was eager to fly and make a trip, Serena always felt that he had an extroverted personality, choosing to spend all his time at the owlery while at Hogwarts. 

"As soon as Minerva writes back, we shall go to Diagon Alley and visit. I'll make embarrassingly public declarations of my love for you" he kidded with her, but a layer of truth was peeking through. 

"I'm proud to be with you. I don't need any kind of pompous displays of your affection" she promised him, placing a swift kiss on his shoulder. 

********  
A few hours later they were sitting at the table, preparing for dinner when they heard a loud crack outside of the house. Wands out immediately they both ran to the door, and flung it open to find a nonplussed Minerva standing there, completely at ease despite two wands to her face. 

"Oh for heavens sake, it's just me" she said exasperatedly, fixing her scarf. 

"Minerva!" Serena exclaimed happily, shoving her wand into her pocket and pulling the older woman into a hug. 

Severus stood aside to let the two of them pass and offered her a warm smile as she sat down at the table. 

"I came by to offer my congratulations on your endeavors together. I cannot say that I'm surprised, what with all of the late night tea and dessert" she informed them happily, taking a sip of whiskey that Serena had sat in front of her. 

"Thank you Minerva. I am....Happy for the first time in perhaps, ever. I have you to thank for bringing Serena to the staff and subsequently into my world" he sincerely told her, raising a toast of wine to her. 

"I have enjoyed watching you become alive again Severus. Love has only benefited you. But I feel it is my duty to say that if this relationship dissolves, I will expect you both to act in a manner befitting the dignity of Hogwarts staff. However, I don't see that happening, just a warning" she explained in order to cover herself, but the light in her eyes was bright and welcoming. 

"I hope that I can continue to regain your trust Minerva" he spoke suddenly, his eyes downcast and voice apologetic. 

Serena sucked in a deep breath of awe. 

"Of course Severus, none of us should have had to make the choices we did. You were not a coward. Let's remember but not dwell, understood?" she stated confidently, her eyes shining with tears. 

He toasted to her, dark merlot gleaming royal purple in the flickering light of the chandelier. 

The evening was spent amongst friends, discussing summer adventures and upcoming plans for the school year. Severus sat back, taking in the easy laughter and realizing that a small piece of him felt whole again. 

*********

It was warm and muggy when they apparated into Diagon Alley a few days later. They began their day at Flourish and Botts. The shop owner had eyed Snape a little suspiciously as he came in but when his eyes settled on Serena, whose arm was linked with Severus, he smiled and acknowledged their presence. 

"Professors" he spoke aloud, nodding his head. He had been nothing but kind and helpful when she had been there with Hermione. The lingering distrust of Severus was something she had not dealt with, she pretended it didn't exist. 

At Hogwarts the students needed to see respect and forgiveness, especially the ones who had been at the school during Snape's reign as masquerading headmaster. She knew he had apologized to his students, and had been trying to be more respectful. But the people in public were a different story. Some may still even view him as a killer. 

They sat down together on a small loveseat, both with a stack of books to read through. She rested her head on his shoulder as she read, lulled into security by the rise and fall of his breath. 

Perhaps an hour into their stay she heard a familiar voice exclaim "Serena! I've missed you!" 

She looked up to see Hermione walking with another man, tall and thin with side parted brown hair, wearing an olive green tee shirt with converse shoes on his feet. She jumped up and gave her friend a tight hug. She hadn't realized how much she missed her company until that very moment. She hadn't ever made many friends who valued her deeply like Hermione did and she very much appreciated it. 

"You look wonderful! This is Neville Longbottom, my old friend and fellow defender of Hogwarts. Neville led the student resistance when...Well...Then" Hermione rambled on, but quickly stopped herself when she realized that Snape was sitting there behind her. 

"It's quite alright Hermione. I knew it was happening, I didn't stop it. Nor did I give into demands for Veritaserum" Severus lazily answered behind her, not looking up from his book. 

Neville looked a little disconcerted at Snape being within such close proximity to him. She tried to imagine what it would feel like to have your teacher turn against you; your should be protector turned dictator. It would be an understatement to say that betrayal ran deep. 

"Its a privilege to meet you Neville. I'm Serena Barrett, Charms Professor" she reached out and shook his hand, his one eye still kept on Snape. 

He smiled and responded "Pleasure to meet you, Hermione has told me a lot about you. Wow, I can really tell you're a healer...You should join me for a joint Herbology class when I start this fall!" 

She laughed when people said that. People were used to such a cold world that when they encountered a warm soul it was as if they had stepped onto a sunny beach after being in a dark cave. 

She grinned and congratulated him "Congratulations! Yes, let's try that! I must admit I've never had much luck with plants. I was knocked out by a baby mandrake for over a week" 

Neville laughed with his eyes crinkling but he stopped short when he realized that Snape was laughing behind her as well, most likely imagining her falling down with a screaming mandrake on top of her. He narrowed his eyes as he glared at Snape, no doubt wondering why he was there. 

"Neville, um, Professor Snape and Serena are dating. Living together even, as McGonagall told me this morning when I saw her in passing. Not even an owl" Hermione noticed the swift change of tone and made an attempt to smooth it over, one eyebrow raised in amusement. 

"Oh, uh...Well, alright. I should probably head out" Neville looked uncertain how to proceed but before he could leave Snape stood up slowly, with his hands held out, palms up in a show of empty handedness. 

"Longbottom, I need to tell you something" he started out slowly. 

Neville perked up, straightening tall, not afraid to stand against him anymore "Yeah? What is it? How I don't deserve to be a professor?" 

Severus winced, knowing that he deserved that. He shook his head before continuing in a muted tone "No, I haven't seen your classroom skills as of yet. You were an excellent herbology student, I assume you can pass along your knowledge. No, I need to apologize. I was in a compromising position and I took advantage of it. I was wrong to be so hard on you, and to more or less traumatize you...I see that now. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I know I deserve nothing." 

Neville was blank faced. He looked between the three of them looking for any type of clue telling him how to react. 

He cleared his throat "Right. So you're saying you were wrong to belittle me all those years? To make me afraid to go to class? To make me doubt myself? To embarrass me almost daily?" 

Severus took a deep breath, still new to humility and nodded "Yes. Except for that one time in your first year, you could have killed Potter and Granger. I stand beside that verbal barrage." 

Neville chuckled a little "Fair enough. Thank you." 

Severus nodded, glancing at Serena who was beaming at him, proud of his prickly progress. They were about to turn away again before he continued

"Hermione...I may as well continue in my public flagellation...I shouldn't have ignored you. You were and are brilliant and most clever. I had likened you to a show off who thrived off of public validation and I never received any, so I didn't give it. But you deserved it...the validation I mean. Your friends wouldn't have survived without you. Your teeth were just fine, well suited to your face. And you need not steal from my stores, you can take whatever you need."

Hermione looked as if she would drop through the floor and even smiled at that last sentence. Serena made a mental note to ask about that. 

"Thank you" she muttered, glancing at Serena who surreptitiously shrugged her shoulders, showing that she didn't know this was going to happen. 

They turned for the third time and walked away, mentioning something about lunch. Serena sat down beside him, hands in his, grinning like a loon. 

"What? You've never seen someone grovel before?" he growled, a small smile tugging at his lips while trying to appear grouchy. 

"You're a good man Severus Snape" she stated proudly, wanting nothing more than to kiss him but knowing how he felt about public displays of affection. 

"Perhaps I should let that fact be more widely known since it hasn't always been that way..." he philosophized, stroking her cheek lovingly. 

"Perhaps you should. It's a new world now" she kissed his knuckles, settling back in beside him to finish her book.


	15. Meeting Muggles

"Are you ready to meet my parents?" she asked him on the last day of summer break, turning her back to him to show the undone zipper on her dress. 

He slid up the zipper, trailing his fingers up her spine as he did, answering in his signature razor wit "I've faced down evil incarnate, I think I can handle your family." 

She shrugged her shoulders "You've never met my mother, she's religious." 

Her parents were very nice people, they made friends wherever they went and they worked alongside of the citizens of whatever country they were living in to make education more accessible. 

But they lived in a different world: the world of religion. The world fit into the paradigm of their faith, which was perfect for their work in serving the underprivileged but not so much when it came to accepting their only child's lifestyle. 

She couldn't even send them a letter because owls were seen as omens of death in the small village they were working in at the moment. 

She took in his outfit: a black tee shirt and grey corduroy slacks with shiny black dress shoes. He was overwhelmingly dark, sharp, and attractive. 

She smoothed her emerald green sundress, strapping up her silver heels around her ankles, which put her eyes level with his chin. 

"I love you" she told him admiringly, eyes glazed over with affection. He was isothermal and she was the only one who got to experience the heat. 

He smiled, tracing her lips with his finger before kissing her sweetly "I love you too. Apparate me already, I would hate to be late to my imminent demise." 

She envisioned her parents house on the south side of Pittsburgh where they spent their time stateside. It had been her grandparents house, but when they passed away they left it to her parents as a place to crash when on furlough from the mission. 

The air sucked from her lungs and her stomach dropped and they appeared in the dark garage where her parents hand me down grey Corolla was parked. Apparition was as terrible as it was amazing. 

She motioned for him to follow her out the side door and onto the front porch with the chipping red paint on the banister. It wasn't normal in the south of Pittsburgh to just appear on a front porch but coming out of an alley way was fine. She inhaled the scent of hydrangea and murky river water to settle her nerves. Nostalgia settled in heavy and made her sweat. 

She rang the bell and squeezed Severus' hand, it had been a long time since she had seen her parents face to face. Stomach turning and nerves racing made her whole body feel on edge. She had no idea what kind of reception she would get from her mother. 

It had struck her as incredibly odd when she received an email invitation from them rather than their once a month pleasantries. 

She had been nervous at first that one of them were ill, or dead. But she had to push those thoughts to the back of her mind and just roll with whatever came. 

The door opened and Severus did a double take. In front of him stood an almost identical woman to Serena. The same caramel curls but cut in a sensible bob, nose slanted at a slight angle, the only difference was the years. 

She put her hand to her heart and reached out to Serena, clutching her close to her, Serena's back stiff at the unusual contact. 

"Mi amorcita! You turned out to be such a beautiful woman, los años ya han pasaron, right?" the woman exclaimed in a mixture of English and Spanish. 

Serena stepped back with a small smile before responding softly "Si, esto es lo qué pasó, el tiempo pase bien rápido" 

Severus held back a smile at the flow of the foreign language on Serena's tongue. So much of her life was still a mystery to him. 

The women turned to look at him, a weary shadow passing quickly over her coffee brown eyes as Serena introduced him "Mom, Kathryn, this is Severus Snape, my partner and colleague." 

He reached out his hand, she took it firmly and welcomed him "Hello, it's nice to meet anyone who my daughter approves of, she's a hard sell. Come on in." 

Serena had to hand it to her mother, she had a fantastic poker face. All of those years spent in foreign countries had prepared her for nearly any situation and you would never be able to tell that she was flustered. 

A bullet shot out their window once while they were having dinner when living near the Gaza Strip. Kathryn had simply grabbed a broom and told Serena to keep eating. 

Serena looked around at the beige walls, art work collected from every city and culture they had lived in. She noted only one family picture on the main wall. She was ten. They were standing on the ruins at Machu Pichu, arms wrapped around each other, fanny packs and water bottles intact. It made her heart hurt. 

Three weeks later she turned eleven, and her letter came in the mail. Her parents kept her at arms length from that point on. Afraid that she would somehow rub her magic off on them, or she would bring a swath of evil spirits down on their household. 

"Serenity?! Is that you?" came a loud voice from down the hallway. 

Severus looked down at her puzzled, Serenity? 

She was looking forward with a smile growing on her face. A tall barrel chested man came sweeping up the hallway, his head ducking to get through the door frame. His white hair was brushed back to cover a bald spot and thick black rimmed glasses framed his face. He reached down and scooped her up, her petite body nearly disappearing in his arms. 

"Hi daddy" came her muffled voice from against his chest, her feet inches off the floor. 

He sat her down, beaming "You're all grown up. Thank you for coming. Now who is this scholarly looking gentleman?" 

He turned toward Severus, extending his hand, gripping it with vigor, smile wide and approachable. 

"This is my partner and colleague, Severus Snape. Severus, this is my dad Robert Barrett" 

"Pleasure to meet you" Severus offered formally, small smile tilting up his lips. He was good at deferring to men who needed to feel important, and in this instance, Robert needed that. 

"So, you teach with Serenity at that uh...special school? he questioned good naturedly, backing up a few inches. 

"Yes, she is an excellent addition to our staff. Everyone speaks highly of her" Severus commented, making eye contact with her, dipping his head slightly. 

"Of course, my daughter has never been anything except excellent. So, you are a teacher there too?" he asked timidly 

"He's a master, dad. He's the best in his field of...chemistry" she quickly changed the terms from potions to chemistry. 

Thankfully, Severus didn't correct it. 

"Well that's very impressive! Come on then you two, let's sit down" he ushered them towards the loveseat while he and Kathryn took the couch opposite them, a table full of coffee and tea between them. 

It didn't escape Severus' attention that all of the pictures were of Robert and Kathryn, not Serena. And that they sat rigidly, as if expecting attack. 

"What brings you guys back to the states?" Serena asked them, an air of formality between them which suggested that their relationship was strained despite the seemingly warm welcome. 

Kathryn took a sip of coffee and replied proudly "We are retiring. Well, we already did. Last month. I've accepted a position at the local seminary, teaching classes and your father took a position at the church down the street as pulpit supply until they find a new lead" 

Severus looked at her confusedly, these terms meant nothing to him. He never was one for religion, finding all the solace he needed in magic. 

Serena was smiling happily, so he took it to mean something good. 

"That's really great. I'm happy for you guys, maybe a change of pace will be nice" she congratulated them, drinking her coffee. 

"I've lived in the jungles for nearly forty years, I think I can handle a few pews full of testy Americans!" Robert bellowed jovially, ice cubes in his tea clinking. 

"Where did you grow up, Severus?" Kathryn asked politely, turning her attention to him. 

"Outside of London, in a working neighorhood...and then school when I turned eleven" he wanted to make it clear that he was the same as Serena. That his life had been of two worlds as well. 

Kathryn's smile became tight lipped as she nodded, before continuing "You received a letter like Serenity as well? Your parents sent you off to that...special school?" 

He remembered Lily, born different in a family of normal. He told himself to make this instance different, to build bridges and not burn them. 

"Yes, in England. It was the best thing for me, it gave me the life that I have now. I am a professor as well. I was delighted when Serena joined us" he spoke surely, his hand on her knee in a display of solidarity. 

"Serena?" Kathryn asked, looking at her daughter quizzically. 

She drew in a deep breath before explaining "I told you when I went to Ilvermorny that I changed my name. It's been Serena for twenty years now..." 

They looked at each other and Kathryn commented "I didn't think you were serious. I thought it was just a phase..." 

"Maybe if you had written to me or called me once in a while then you would have known" Serena snapped at her, taking a large gulp of coffee. 

"How? A carrier pigeon?! I didn't even know where you were!" Kathryn snipped back sarcastically 

"Don't pretend like you even cared to find out" Serena rolled her eyes, the annoyance dripping from her words. 

Robert patted his wife's knee before pushing forward brightly "She's here now though. I think Serena is very fitting, mystical almost!"

"Thanks dad" she smiled warmly, her shoulders relaxing a bit.

"How long have you two been together?" he asked with a kind smile. 

"Almost a year" she said, holding his hand tightly. 

"Congratulations. Are there wedding bells in the future?" Robert pressed, his eyes shining hopefully. 

Weddings were something he enjoyed more than anything else; lots of people, food, and excitement. She had sat through hundreds of weddings before her time away at school. They had the opposite effect on her. She felt them gaudy and prideful and wished to have a simple almost non existent ceremony should she ever marry. 

She shrugged, not showing any emotion "I don't know, we haven't discussed it." 

"Wasting away your time. I assume you're living together then?" Kathryn asked while brushing crumbs off her fingers. 

"Yes, rather happily" Serena answered defensively, her foot starting to tap. 

It was one of the few times that Severus had heard her on the verge of impatience. The tension in the air was beginning to crackle and he wasn't sure which woman was going to snap first. 

He sat up a little straighter, prepared to either subdue or defend Serena. 

He hadn't seen her lose her control once but family caused the worst to come out in people. She was a powerful witch, a master of non-verbal magic, occlumency, and legilimency. He didn't want her to ruin her career over a few seconds of misplaced anger. Or, do damage to any non-magical person and have to face repercussions with the ministry. 

On the other hand, he was darkly pleased. It was reassuring to him to see that Serena had limits and she wasn't some sort of otherworldly being with infinite understanding and grace as he had been under that impression for most of the year. 

She was just a woman who had had enough from those who were supposed to love her the most. 

"What subject do you teach Serena?" Robert asked curiously before being cut off by his wife 

"Don't give in to her delusions Robert" Kathryn interrupted quickly, her eyes flashing. 

"Kathryn, just listen to her. She came all the way here to visit, she's happy" he tried to persuade her as if the two of them were alone. 

"We don't even know what she does with her life! She has to be lying. Why doesn't she tell us what she really does? Living somewhere that no one else can come? Please!" Kathryn argued on the edge of mania. 

"Then we should ask, this is ridiculous to argue when she's right here" Robert argued back wearily 

"I don't want to talk about such evil topics in my home" Kathryn responded curtly, sitting her cup down with force. 

"She hardly seems evil to me" he defended his daughter 

"I'm not evil. I'm the same person I've always been. And I'm right here, please address me as such" Serena interrupted them with no affect, almost as if she had given up the fight already. 

"You shouldn't be able to do the things you do, it's witchcraft and I don't believe in it" Kathryn stated defiantly, all pretense of a normal conversation gone. 

"Well, obviously it's witch craft, but it's not evil. Just because you don't believe in something doesn't make it unreal" Serena explained patiently, as if to a toddler, but Severus noticed that her fists were clenched and shaking. 

He knew she kept her wand in a side dress pocket which she had sewn in, but her hand hadn't reached there yet. 

"Kathryn, we haven't seen our daughter in almost twenty years, please let's drop this" Robert pleaded, his facade as a burly beast fading away at the mention of lost time with his child. 

"Tell her to denounce whatever magic she's doing and we will talk. You were the one who asked her to come here, not me. I never wanted to see her again. Who knows what kind of people she hangs out with now, they could have followed her here. We don't even know who this...man is" Kathryn tilted up her chin and crossed her arms, giving Severus the side eye. 

"This is just who I am...I can't separate it from myself. I'm not a bad person and neither is Severus" Serena started out strong but the end of her sentence quivered along with her lip. 

"You are a demon seed! I wish we had a normal child, don't you know how much you hurt us?! When we had to call the head pastor to pray over you because I found you...floating above your bed!" Kathryn yelled, her eyes watering with angry tears. 

"Oh I remember that prayer!" Serena shot up quickly, fists clenched at her sides, gripping where her wand was, before continuing in a rising voice 

"He came into my room while I was sleeping! He beat me with a cane! Do you know what it's like to wake up with a cane to the face?! I had a concussion for weeks! I couldn't remember who I was! He broke my arm in three places Mom! I had a fractured rib that no one set...Should I go on?" 

"Did you ever think you deserved it?" Kathryn questioned assertively as Serena ripped her wand out of her dress and launched herself towards her mother with her arm raised defensively. 

"I'll give you what you deserve!" she screamed angrily, Kathryn's shirt in her fist and wand at her throat. 

Severus rushed over, pulling Serena off of her mother. She didn't need to be inquisitioned by the ministry over this. She fought against him, but he held her tightly, her wand safely in his hand. 

"Let me go Severus! Let me go!" she struggled against his grip as he picked her up. 

Kathryn and Robert stood up and tried to follow them but he wouldn't allow another woman to be broken down by her family simply because of how she was born into this world, and the abilities that she innately harbored. 

He used every inch of his height and spoke in a way that made him seem menacing, loudly and then softly while trying to keep a still fighting Serena from hexing her parents without her wand. He mentally cast a protective spell so she couldn't use magic. 

"Silence! This discussion is a disgrace to everything your daughter is. You will not speak this way to a witch of her magnitude simply because you deem it unacceptable. She could have ended you and this dreadful conversation if she truly wanted. I am a fair man, but do not test my goodwill, or I shall unleash your daughter and not feel one bit badly about it." 

Serena for the first time understood how Severus could be feared. He stood tall and formidable, his features set in stone and his hand on his pocket where she knew his wand was hidden. Words oozing slowly and powerfully as her parents looked on fearfully. 

The angry tears were streaming down her face as she quit fighting and was released to the floor. She gripped Severus' arm for support. 

She wasn't afraid of him. 

"I don't know who you thought I was, but I'm not it. I help people. I still have faith. I have a home and a partner. I'm Serena, I always have been. I'm not yours to curate to your liking. 

I'm leaving now, I can't live like this again" she told them with her head held high and her voice weighed down with emotion. 

Severus wrapped his arm around her, the two of them briskly walked out the door and into the garage where he apparated them back to the middle of their living room. 

She buried her face in his chest, the feelings of shame and worthlessness pervading her being. It was something she hadn't dealt with since she was a young teenager. She knew there was a reason why she never put any effort into her parental relationship. 

Her mother only wanted her on her terms. Fitting nicely into a box with no flaws. She couldn't do that. Her father would love her, would accept her, but his allegiance was always to his wife. She didn't know how he lived with himself but that wasn't her problem. 

"They were wrong, you deserve better than that" he whispered into her hair, massaging her back to calm her down. 

"Thank you for defending me" she thanked him after she got her breathing under control. 

"Of course. I didn't want you to kill anyone tonight. I will spend my life defending you, whenever need be. You are an incredible witch" he assured her, kissing her forehead. 

"They won't accept me, ever. I need to come to grips with that" she surmised. 

"It's not your fault...They're responsible for how they act, however despicable that may be" he tried his best at comforting her, his anger at how horrid her mother behaved barely contained. He should have let her curse them, and cleaned up after the fact. 

"They had that priest come several times before I left. I don't remember six months of my life. When I started at Ilvermorny they thought that I had been hexed. I could barely form coherent sentences" she recalled, her voice trembled as a fresh batch of tears started to flow. 

"Come" he led her to the bedroom. 

She followed him, her finger hooked into his belt loop. He spun her around, unzipping her dress. It fell in a heap on the floor, her body tanned from sitting in the sun all summer long. He lit all of the candles on the wall sconces with a swish of his wand. 

"You are my witch, and I'll keep you safe. Even if I couldn't before" he promised her, hands on her shoulders, looking deep into her sad eyes 

She pulled off his shirt, running her hands up his torso and chest, trailing sloppy kisses up to his collarbone. 

He wrapped her in his arms, her soft skin obliging under his fingertips. He exhaled against her ear, he knew that was something she loved. True to form, she shivered and dug her nails into his back. 

"Lay with me" he walked them back toward the bed, their bodies collapsing in a tangle. 

Severus knew about pain and that if you held it in for so long, it became engrained in your being and changed your very dna. It was deep and buried. You pretended it wasn't there and tried to rise above it or conversely, you wallowed in it. 

Serena had risen above it her whole life. But tonight she needed to wade and wallow. 

"Tell me about what happened...Just like that night when you sat across from me and listened. I want to hear you now" he whispered in her ear, covering them up with the blanket, cocooning them away in their own little world. 

"I levitated when I slept. I didn't know I was doing it. My mother would come in to check on me and she would freak out. She called the local priest, padre Salvador, and he would throw water on me and pray and beat me. Sometimes he would bring back up priests. I didn't want to go to sleep after the fourth time it happened. 

I fell asleep during the day while they were at work. 

My mom wouldn't talk to me after that. She just ignored my presence. My dad tried to make up for it, taking me out for dinner or to plays. He told me he loved me no matter what. 

But his allegiance is with my mom. I know he will always pick her. Which, whatever...That's fine I suppose. 

The kids in the neighborhood already thought I was weird, looking back I was just really smart and didn't know how to socialize. It was easier to be alone. 

Especially after the fathers came to 'pray' for me and the word got out, no one wanted to be near me. 'Bruja' they called me. Or 'diabla' if they were feeling extra scared" 

She took a deep breath and let the words settle before continuing "My parents had to leave that village in Paraguay because people started threatening them like the shaman. He was hung up in the forest by his toes and beaten. He eventually died. They told the church committee funding them that I had behavioral issues and they needed relocation. 

I got sent off to live with my grandparents. They were never home, they had my mom young. They spent most of their time vacationing places. 

I never felt so happy as when I went to school. I was kind of weird, I didn't have many friends but I learned so much..." 

"Being alone can break your spirit" he acknowledged, placing a comforting kiss on her temple. 

"I felt worthless for a long time...Until I started teaching. You know how worthlessness feels...so empty" she stated rhetorically 

Of course he knew. The weight of wanting to be loved was heavy, bearing down on your shoulders. But you couldn't let anyone know that or they could use it against you. 

Vulnerability caused damage. But sometimes it felt better to be broken by love than secured by separation. God, did he know. 

"You've helped make my soul whole...Repairing it" he told her sleepily, her breathing was even and deep against his chest 

"You did that yourself, you accepted my love and kindness. You'd never allowed it before...I'm glad you chose me Severus Snape" she philosophized half asleep, the exhaustion of confession taking its toll. 

"You gave me the chance..." he told her softly, but she was already unconscious.


	16. Final Chance

"You're sure you don't want to come to Hogsmeade with me?" Serena joked, knowing full well the answer he would give. 

"Spending a full day chaperoning sugared up students in the cold? I'm certain that I do not want to accompany you" he cocked his eyebrow, very explicitly letting her know he would rather do anything else.

"I thought your love for me knew no bounds" she snapped back sarcastically, buttoning up her navy blue peacoat. 

"Well, we've found the boundary then haven't we?" he jested, trying and failing to hide a smile. He knew full well that he would travel to the ends of the earth for her, and today he had something to do before he proposed. 

"You're an absolute tosser" she insulted him, testing out her new English slang. 

"Granger has been teaching you some new words? A for effort, fail for the enunciation" he continued on in his fake tirade, helping her tie her scarf. 

"I'm ready to leave, not a moment too soon. You're in rare form today. I'll see you tonight?" she asked, her voice alight with folly. 

"Yes. Have a good day, and we shall have a good night" he promised, kissing her arduously. 

She waved over her shoulder, tartan checkered scarf fluttering under her mass of curls. 

He took a deep breath. He was venturing to Serena's home, to give one last ditch effort to plead with her father to agree to see her. Realistically, she didn't care and she didn't want anything to do with them but he saw a spark of humanity in Robert. 

He felt that if approached correctly, Robert would do the right thing for his only child. He knew all too well the pain of having a father who couldn't care less about you. He grew up with the abuse and there had been no hope for his family. But, Serena's father had a glimmer of light still hiding within. 

He twisted a charcoal grey scarf around his neck, pulled a black wool coat on over his black slacks and began the short walk from Serena's office to Minerva's office to be able to apparate. 

He pictured the tall brick church down the street where Robert taught and found himself in the darkened alley behind it. The wind blew and stung and the air smelled of exhaust. 

He slowly approached the tall, red, stained glass door with the depiction of a crucifixion. He had spent his life following a dark master, the most evil man alive. He had faced down death and almost died himself. Countless times. But meeting face to face with a man who hated everything he was, who also gave life to the woman that he loved...That was a new and complex situation. It must be handled cautiously. 

He walked through the dark wooded hall of the church, feeling the hallowed silence that old buildings secreted. The walls covered with dusty scenes from biblical literature and candles sitting in sconces, unlit. The air smelled of moth balls, antiseptic, and potpourri. He thought it funny that a religion that promoted eternal life could smell like so much death. 

He came upon an open door and before him sat Robert at a rather large maple desk with several books open around him.  He tapped the door softly, prepared to calm him down. Robert looked up, a fleeting expression of nerves crossing his face before he motioned for Severus to sit in the armchair beside his desk. 

"I had a feeling that I would see you again...Severus?" Robert started, turning his chair and leaning back with his hands behind his silver hair covered head. If he was angry, he didn't show it. 

"Your intuition was correct" he affirmed, wanting to use as few words as possible. 

"Are you here because of my daughter?" he questioned with a soft ache to his voice. 

"I am here not out of a respect for you. I have none of that. I am here because Serena loves you despite the terror your family has put her through. I'n going to ask her to marry me and I would like for you to rethink your relationship with her" 

Severus didn't want to mince words but he didn't want to put him on the defensive. It was a tactful conversation and he was using all of his skill set. 

"You think I'm a bad father? That I ruined her life?" Robert asked, leaning forward and rubbing his temple, not denying the claim. He had probably thought about it every day for the last twenty years. 

"I think you made choices. I too have made choices in my life that severed me from the ones I loved. I know the shame...I wish someone had given me the chance to make it right before it was too late" he admitted honestly, way more sincere than he had imagined it would come out. 

"I love my daughter, but you're right. I had to choose. Do what I felt called to do and serve the world...Or start over with a child who I was afraid of. To love my wife and respect her first. I'm not proud that I didn't choose my child. 

That for years I pretended she didn't exist. That she suffered. That a part of my heart was broken. That we told people she had died. To us, her soul was dead. I understand that I was wrong but I don't know how to fix it..." Robert confessed, his face turning red as he held in the emotion and guilt, his broad shoulders shrunken down in his blue collared shirt. 

"You can start by writing out a letter to your daughter and tell her what you just told me. I want to marry Serena and be with her for the rest of our lives. She is the best soul I've ever met. Ignore what anyone else says, do the right thing" Severus pressed, passing him a snapshot that Serena had taken, enchanted not to move for the sake of his non magical eyes.  

It was Serena and a group of students, smiling around a library table for a late night study session. 

"Serenity...Serena, really is a teacher? At a boarding school? These are her students? They're real?" Robert asked softly, fingertips tracing the picture. 

"Yes, and she is a bloody good one at that" Severus affirmed. 

"May I keep this?" he asked, not looking at Severus. 

"If you agree to write the letter" he bargained, passing him parchment and a quill. 

Robert gave the two objects a quizzical look but began writing and didn't stop for nearly an hour.

"Please, let my daughter know that I love her...And I am proud of her" Robert muttered, eyes downcast, his voice gravelly with regret. 

"Perhaps you should tell her yourself when the time is right. An old friend once told me not to hide the best of me...I am inclined to give you the same advice. Have a good night" Severus told him; Dumbledore's words from decades ago ringing loud and clear in his ears as if they had just been spoken moments ago. Don't hide your vulnerabilities, they make you strong. 

"Please let me know. I'm ready now" Robert answered, walking him to the door with an age swelled hand on his shoulder. 

He nodded at the older man and took his leave from the office. His curiosity was piqued about what Robert wrote, but it wasn't his place to read it first. He ducked into a dark corner and snapped back to Minerva's office. 

**************

"I brought you back a chocolate frog!" Serena called out happily as she came into her quarters that night. The day had been full of hustle and bustle, students chatting and getting into mischief. Her fingertips were finally beginning to thaw after a day outside despite having warm mittens. 

She overlooked the harmless rebellion of fart bombs and burp busters but drew the line at smuggling excessive amounts of love potion back onto the school grounds. She had no ethics when it came to reading the minds of students who may possibly become fugitives. It was easier and much quicker to find the contraband that way. 

She gazed upon him sitting in the chair, reading a book. He looked a little nervous, or unsettled. The cool energy he gave off was broken, almost as if it were jumping. She walked closer and sat down beside him. 

As she breathed in she was immediately taken back to her childhood, the acrid yet bland smell of a sanctuary.  The wooden pews with the dust and disinfectant. Perfume and mothballs. Carpet and crayons. She instinctively backed away from him. He no longer felt safe. 

"You were in a church?" she quickly asked, swallowing deeply, trying not to involuntarily toss the sugary treats she had ingested all day. 

"Yes..." he drew out the word, sounding uncertain.

"Why?" she asked curiously, knowing that he found no solace in religion and she couldn't blame him. 

"I met with your father today..." he answered timidly, completely unsure now of his decision. Perhaps he had greatly crossed a line. 

"By yourself?" she asked, shocked. 

"Yes...in his office" he replied just as slowly. 

For once she had a look of utter confusion on her face. As if she couldn't decide what to feel. She started laughing, shoulder shaking giggles that made tears run down her cheeks. That was not what he had expected and not knowing how to react was throwing him off. She was more confusing at times than the dark lord himself. 

"You realize my dad has killed people. Like, with a poison dart from hundreds of yards away? As in, he sanctioned tribal murder. He blessed a war between opposing cities. And you just...walked into his office and had a nice little chat?" she finally managed to squeak out, the disbelief evident in her voice.  

He sat back, the visions of that side of Robert not meshing well with his version of a kind hearted, privileged American do-gooder. 

"Well, had I known that...It might not have been as frightening" he muttered half sarcastically. 

Raving lunatics he could deal with; easily swayed, soft bellied men were a different story. 

She leaned back, covering her eyes, giving herself a moment to compose the flooding feelings. She wouldn't approve if Severus had gone to get some sort of antiquated blessing. She was not property. No one owned her. That would call into question a whole slew of his views on her value, societal position, and how he viewed femininity. 

"Why did you go there Severus?" she asked a few moments later, once her mind had worked through the information. She fought the creeping sensation of betrayal crawling up her neck, twisting her stomach into knots. 

"To give him one last chance to do the right thing...To change the trajectory of his choices" he admitted softly, the double meaning not completely obvious to her yet. 

He had the opportunity to give someone a second chance, just like he had been given years ago. Except that this chance would hold no strings.

"What makes you think that I want to give him a final chance?" she asked, voice edgy and tight.

"It wasn't a visit for you necessarily. It was for him to clear his conscience, you deserve an apology and he needs to own up to what he's done" he answered calmly, hoping that she wasn't dreadfully upset at him for sticking his nose in her family business.

"And it was up to you to make that happen?" she asked with more than a tinge of annoyance to her voice, arms crossed.

"I just don't want you to carry around pain..." he explained in what felt like a futile attempt to put out a fire.

"I'm allowed to be angry and carry around whatever pain I want. They ruined my life and I am not going to merrily decide to let them back into my life. Why would I give another chance at forgiveness for a father who never once chose me" she fumed, her voice not raising but still carrying a threat. 

"He wrote you a letter" he mentioned as she stormed past him to go to the bathroom. She stopped, not turning to look at him but simply held out her hand. 

"You can stay but I'm not talking to you yet. I'm mad at you" she stated minimally, hiding the lava that threatened to overflow. 

He sat down in her plush armchair and thought about how he wished he had the chance to hear his own mother out for allowing his father to beat him and verbally berate him day after day. Wishing that he could have understood his own father. 

Maybe Serena was better at moving on and distancing herself from the people in her life who had hurt her. But, if she could so easily separate herself from them, what would happen if he ever made her upset enough to cut ties?

He didn't expect her to allow her father to the wedding. That would be ignorant and idealistic and very intrusive to any boundaries that she wanted to set. There was only so much pain and hurt that you could carry around without being broken by the weight of it all. 

Almost an hour later he smelled her perfume wafting towards him. It was a unique blend that he brewed just for her based on her skin and natural scent. Heavy notes of honeysuckle with base notes of lemon, bergamot, and musk. He took in her wet curls, finally growing past her shoulders after that unfortunate Charms accident, framing her oval face. Her lips were puffy, and eyes tinged red from an obvious bout of tears. 

"Don't ever do that again. You don't get to decide what I carry and what I don't. You don't get to make choices about me, without me" she stated vexedly, her jaw tight with eyebrows scrunched together. Her voice sounded tired, stretched thin and flat; it made her seem so much older and world weary. 

"Serena..." he began, realizing where he had overstepped a boundary even if he had her best interests at heart. He thought to be reprimanded so strongly by someone was a sign of growth. 

Usually, people would be afraid of him and do whatever he wanted out of deference and fear, that he had read as respect. She trusted him enough to speak her thoughts and not worry about his reactions. 

"I know you're used to being in charge, and calling shots. Changing the tides to suit your own goals. But we don't operate that way...You and I, we are a team" she pressed on, holding his hands tightly in hers, heavy lidded eyes downcast. 

"You're making a mistake..." he ventured again, not willing to let it go that easily. 

Her eyes flashed, she sat back in her chair, throwing down his hand and exasperatedly exclaimed "Then let me make the damn mistake! You don't get to try and preemptively fix me!" 

He sat still, unaware of what to do next. He could be snarky, argue, or defer. Neither choice seemed to particularly fit. He didn't have a chance to say anything because she continued 

"You didn't come to me first. You went to my dad first. He has no place in my life. You're trying to make amends for your own past. I get that. You never got closure so you want me to have it. You have your own problems with your father? Don't try and live vicariously through me. Don't try and sneak something by me. It pisses me off" 

He felt a little shocked that she had picked up on his reasoning and that she was so upset at him. She was the portrait of logic and neutrality, almost to the point of impossibility. To see her so overcome with her own emotions scared him a little bit but also reminded him that relationships were full of discovery and learning. And at the moment, he was learning the hard way. 

"I'm sorry I went behind your back, I didn't mean it that way. But I won't apologize for trying to save you from a mistake. Trying to save you from more pain. My intentions were noble even if my follow through was off" he acquiesced, still holding onto a little bit of pride. He never said that he didn't have an ego. 

She blew out a heavy breath, letting her head fall into her hands before barking out "Can you just let me be mad?! Can I just be mad at something for once? To be out of control?! Am I allowed to just be irrational?!" 

She pulled out the letter, held it up, and threw it at him. He was so surprised by her outburst that it fell to the floor. She stormed off to her bedroom and slammed the door shut. He unfolded the letter and began to read 

"Serena,   
I have thought about you everyday since the day you left for school. I wondered what you were doing, or learning. Who was making your oatmeal in the morning, and whether or not you learned how to sew a button onto your own shirt. If you mastered the game of chess. If you were finally making friends with people who understood you. If you were being loved. 

I didn't know how to contact you, and I suppose I thought you wouldn't want me to. But that is no excuse, I should have tried harder. You were a child and I was the adult. I was afraid of you, and I still am. The fact that things exist outside of the realm of my lifelong beliefs has shaken me. It was easier to forget than to engage it in thought. You were easier to forget about than figure out. That was wrong. 

Your mother is a scared person, even more than me. Her worldview is small, and you never fit into it. She wanted a child to fit her ideals, like a doll she could custom build. But you were never like that. From the day you were born you set about doing things differently and she could never reconcile that. 

I indulged her. I was always taught that my first duty was to my wife. I lived with that philosophy even though it put me at odds with my own child. I chose one person over another and that was wrong. I can't change it. I regret it. You suffered because of faulty ideology. I will not pretend that she feels remorse because she doesn't. 

I believe marriage is forever, in spite of the difficulties. Parenthood is forever. Perhaps one day you will experience both. Any man who is willing to speak to me with complete honesty is worth keeping around. I am glad you found Severus, despite his odd mannerisms, and your friends at your school. 

I know you did all those things yourself. I can take none of the credit. You are successful, smart, loving, and kind. You shine. I want to remember you that way. I want you to remember me as a better man than I am. Selfish, I know. 

I love you and am undeserving of your grace, but I still ask it of you. To understand that I can't ever see you again. That no matter how flawed I find her, my first oath was to your mother. I suspect you will do better without me around. Perhaps this should be my wedding gift to you. A lifetime of knowing that you are a better person than either of us combined. That you will amount to far more than either of us. Please understand. 

I love you very much.   
-Dad.   
*********

He put the letter down, head spinning. She had a right to be angry. Absolutely. What a foul human. He had been fooled by his own desires for a reconciled family. What an absolute mess. In his desire to end her pain he had caused more. By thinking that he knew more about humanity than she did about her own family, he had brought about suffering. 

He took a deep breath, regret laying heavy in his chest. Slowly padding over to her cherry wood door, he moved to touch the knob and received a jolt. She had charmed the door shut. He smiled in spite of the ache in his hand, she was clever even in distress. 

A note appeared on the door "Leave me alone. I'll find you when I'm ready" 

************  
He awoke to a crash outside of his room later that night. He glanced at the clock, 3:15 am. He held out his wand, feet swinging down to the ground. 

He found Serena in her cream silk robe, a chair overturned when she tried to walk past it in the dark. As he inched closer he could smell alcohol, definitely a heavy handed dose of fire whiskey. She looked up at him as he lit up his wand, a smile appearing on her face. 

"Hi Severus! I'm ready to forgive you now" she said goofily, the alcohol slurring her speech. 

"Really? You seem rather intoxicated to me" he said sarcastically, helping her stand up. 

"I'm fine. I know what I'm doing. I always know, everything. Everything. All the time. My brain isn't full right now. It's so empty!" she giggled, revealing how hard she struggled to live with her gifting each day. 

He cautiously pulled her into a hug and she rubbed her cheek against his soft and worn nightshirt. 

"You feel tired, did you know you are blue to me? You are always the most brilliant shade of azure blue, except last night you were purple. Amethyst. So dark. You were mad. You think I don't know but I do...Colors and feelings everywhere...So tired" 

He rested his head on hers, pulling tighter to give her some comfort. The abilities of a true empath were somewhat of a mystery in the magical community. It was a practice that wasn't defined and varied from person to person. Many chose to ignore the ability because it was simply too wearing. Serena embraced it and the students lives were much better for it. She was so in tune with the other staff it was as if she was inside their minds. Which she could also do, but wouldn't use unless given express permission. 

How much had the abandonment from her family weighed her down? How much had love colored in the cracks? 

"I love you" he whispered, only to realize that she had fallen asleep standing up. 

He carried her to the bed, blankets up to her chin, bucket beside the bed, and shades drawn tight for the impending hangover.  
*********

"Oh god...Am I dead?" she moaned the next morning, shading her eyes from the low lamplight he had turned on to work on grading papers. 

"Hungover...Maybe the same thing" he muttered, not lifting his head from the parchment. 

"Did I proposition you in my drunken stupor?" she smiled sheepishly, still covered up to the chin. 

"No. You charmed your door to electrocute me and then showed up completely knackered and fell asleep" he recounted smoothly, setting the quill down. 

She winced, cheeks blushing red. He made his way to the bed, sitting beside her completely naked body. She must have undressed in the night. 

"I'm sorry that I got so angry...You were just trying to help. But really, please discuss those things with me next time" she apologized quietly, soft fingers wrapped around his. 

"You were right. I was trying to fix my past through you, and it was wrong. I shouldn't have gone without your consent. I caused you a lot of undue pain. Your parents are missing out on a wonderful person..." he finally apologized completely. 

He didn't get to decide if he hurt her, if she said he did then he needed to own up to it. Sometimes people won't change and won't do the right thing. 

"You are my family. I get to choose who I want to be my family, and that means only the best get in. Let's move on. Only the best, from now on" she smiled, leaning against his shoulder, eyes closed against the offending light. 

He was used to sharing a bed with Serena, waking up to her curls spread over his pillow, her arm slung over his chest or her legs kicked out akimbo across their bed. After a lifetime of solidarity and admittedly full of loneliness, he didn't ever want to return to that way of living.

"You are the best for me..." he agreed, leaning them back onto the bed for a quiet morning of comfort.


	17. The Proposal

"Do you really have to be a professor today? I miss you. We could spend the day reading together, or go foraging for those mushrooms you need for next semester...Or we could go home early and sleep all day, no students knocking down the door at midnight needing homework help, or breakup advice, or vomiting glitter...Although I will say that was fairly comical" she tried to persuade him as she sat between the cauldrons down in the dungeons before his last class prior to Christmas break. 

"My class is going to start soon" he lamented, pulling her cloak strings together and gratuitously running his fingers down to her stomach. 

She laid her head on his chest, deeply inhaling the scent of herbs: basil, thyme, and oak moss. 

It was the scent that she associated with him, herbs from potion making and the fresh dampness of the dungeons. She fought the pang of sadness that made her want to latch on and not let go. 

She stood on her tiptoes with a devilish grin on her face before stating authoritatively "Cancel it." 

The corners of his mouth upturned in a smirk before he admonished sternly "You think you are more important than the teaching of young minds?" 

She nodded and just as sternly replied "Yes. Cancel it."

He brushed back her hair, eyes softening at her hopeful expression, and in his signature dry wit answered "I can't always give in to your wonton desires you tempestuous lush...I can however end my class early and make myself look all the better in the process." 

She threw her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers up in his soft black hair which elicited a low, guttural moan. He loved when she gripped the hair at the base of his neck. He had given over control of his body to another person, and they didn't use it to hurt him. It was a surprising revelation and one she saved for the most intimate of moments. 

"I'll be waiting for you. Don't be late" she whispered into his ear, savoring the feel of his hands on her hips before breaking out of his grasp and sashaying out the door before any students came. 

*****************

She changed into Severus' favorite dress: a navy blue scoop neck that hit just above the knee and hugged her curves perfectly. She sat in her overstuffed chair, grading papers as fast as she could so as not to have any distractions for the beginning of break. After an hour, Severus swept in without his school robes. She took in his tall frame dressed all in black...He was hers. 

"Did you wear that dress for me?" he questioned slinkily, running the smooth cotton fabric between his fingertips. 

"Oh is this your favorite dress? I forgot..." she teased, twirling around so the bottom flared out and showed off her thighs. 

"Come with me you sly minx...I have a surprise for you" he mentioned cryptically, holding out his arm. 

"You can't apparate here" she reminded him, eyebrow arched. 

"Special permission, no questions" he spoke a tad impatiently and held out his arm once again. 

She held onto him and found herself in their living room. She missed their home, it wasn't the same being separated at work. Spending nights alone. Taking a cursory glance around she noticed that from floor to ceiling were thousands of fairy lights emitting a soft yellow light. 

He picked up a small bunch of red poppies tied together with a black silk ribbon and clipped them to her dress. Leaning down he placed a long, sweet kiss on her cheek, taking her hands in his, leading her out to the yard. 

Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the scene before her: the pathway was lined with flickering lanterns up to the weeping willow which was full of thousands of fireflies, enchanted to stay in place. If she hadn't already known that magic existed, she would have said it looked magical. 

She stood beneath the warm glow of the fireflies, the long willow tendrils reaching to the ground and enveloping them away in what felt like a separate world. It was beginning to snow, thousands of glittering diamonds falling from the sky but it was warm under the tree. Severus stepped in close to her, heart beating wildly in anticipation. 

He took a deep breath, looking nervous as he began trailing his fingertips down her cheek

"I wanted to plan something special for you. But no trip was grand enough, no gesture big enough, no words expressive enough to show you how much you matter to me. To tell you how much I love you. I wanted to say you saved me, but I realized that wasn't exactly true. You gave me the opportunity to save myself by trusting me. By giving me a chance. You aren't afraid of my darkness, and you love me in spite of these oddities. Perhaps, you even enjoy them. 

I only want to continue life by your side. I thought my chance at love was gone, but you swept in like a hurricane. I was afraid at first, and almost ran away from you because of this thing growing inside of me. For the first time I felt love growing in my veins, not sadness or anger. I want it to keep growing, and hopefully you feel that same thing in your soul. What I want to ask you, Serena Grace Barrett..." 

He paused, getting down on one knee, a beautiful ovular fire opal encased in a delicate white gold band floated up out of his hand

"Will you do me the honor of being my wife? Allowing me to be your husband? For the rest of our lives?" 

She was struck silent by the hopeful glow in his eyes, the vulnerability, and outright adoration that was radiating from him. Being proposed to or even being married was not something she had really fantasized about as a child or teenager. It seemed frivolous and too far out of reach. Most were cowed by her intensity and ability to sense their emotions and actions before they could realize them. But not Severus. He enjoyed her proclivities and was able to keep up with her mind and emotions. Of course she would say yes. She never wanted to be with anyone else. 

"You are my forever" she managed to choke out before the tears began to splash down her face. It didn't seem adequate compared to the poetry that he had espoused to her, but she could show him later how deeply she needed and loved him. 

He slid the ring onto her finger, a rare full fledged smile gracing his exacting features. Wrapped in his arms under the warm glow of the fireflies, his steady heartbeat in her ear and strong hands pulling her close. She never thought she would be in this place but there was no where else she would rather be.


	18. The Wedding

"You look so beautiful Serena! I'm a sucker for wedding dresses..." Hermione gushed, helping her pin the intricate white lattice lace veil into her curls. The pins were covered in pearls of varying sizes and colors: pink, white, cream, and black. The veil was gorgeous, flowing down to her chest, the edges embroidered with thick floral designs.

Serena took a deep, steadying breath as she collected her thoughts that morning. The service would start soon, and she wanted to remember everything. The black lace underwear she bought in a specialty shop in Switzerland were clipped to sheer black stockings. 

Hermione tightened the bodice of the brilliant white dress, tucked in the strings of the corset, and buttoned up thirty tiny buttons on the back. The sheer lace covered her arms and shoulders as the designs stitched into it appeared to float on her skin. The skirt was fitted to her waist but hung fully in loose pleats of shimmery lace and silk. 

Hermione also helped her step into her modest, satin emerald green heels that snaked their way up her ankles as an homage to Severus' school house. They were magically fitted to her foot to ensure the most amount of comfort and Hermione knew if she could find a way to patent that to Muggles, she would make a fortune. 

"I think the tradition of not seeing him before the wedding is dumb" Serena complained, having been away from Severus for a whole week before the wedding while she and Hermione took one last "girls trip." 

Hermione had wanted to send her off into married life happily as well as the fact that she wouldn't get to spend as much time with her best friend from here on out and she wanted to soak it up. They spent the week traipsing through Switzerland, Germany, and Eastern Europe eating copious amounts of candy, hiking, and sampling wines and beers. The week included many trips to historic libraries and any little bookstore they happened to stumble upon. But now, she was home and ready to be married. 

"He is going to absolutely love it when he sees you for the first time in this dress...It's going to be....magical" Hermione laughed, carefully picking a rogue eyelash off of Serena's cheek, approving of her gold and green smoky eye makeup, blood red lip stain, along with perfectly rouged and highlighted cheeks. 

"Thank you..." Serena reached out to give her friend a hug before the doors to the aisle opened and she would walk to meet her future husband. 

"Don't forget your bouquet!" Hermione squeaked, reaching for the bouquet of cascading crimson red roses with a white pearl in the middle of each bud, smaller white roses, and white star of Bethlehem all tied together with black lace. A beautiful waterfall of contrasting color. 

Serena took a deep, steadying breath. She had been stymied for weeks trying to come up with an adequate set of vows, something deep enough to convey how much she cared for Severus. How much he changed her life. That she never thought she could feel a love so deep. 

But, she also felt a need for privacy. A need to protect their relationship and to protect the dark and vulnerable side of Severus. To keep hidden their soft underbellies. For Severus to have been emotionally manipulated for so many years left a sore spot when it came to public declarations. She didn't see the point in making him go through that. 

She didn't want or need a pompous display of public affection nor did she want to pay to have people celebrate. All of the weddings she had ever been to had been about inspiring jealousy, being the best couple, and receiving the most gifts. She detested that puffery. Perhaps she was a spoil sport, a naysayer, but it wasn't going to happen traditionally for her. 

She took one last breath as the music started. 

They had chosen the violin piece "Salut d'Amour" for its beautiful soaring melody combined with soul twisting highs and lows. The doors opened magically and she took in the scene ahead of her. 

A creamy linen canopy was laid over top of a thin wrought iron gazebo with the same crimson red roses and star of Bethlehem flowers flowing down from the ceiling, covering the open walls with the twinkling fairy lights that were used for the proposal hanging between the flowers. 

The space between the door and where Severus stood was short, fifteen feet of moss covered ground infiltrated with thousand year old tree roots which held down the weeping willow that she loved so dearly in their backyard. 

Severus stood straight and tall, hands clasped in front of him below his navel. He was turned at a slight angle, dark eyes fixed on her. She took slow and deliberate steps, measured and methodical. His hair hung straight down to his shoulders, jawline straight and strong, black vest buttoned with the high collar atop of a crisp white long sleeved shirt and a red rose pinned with a long pearl headed needle atop where his heart beat. 

When he caught her gaze, his eyes roamed her appearance and he smiled genuinely, small wrinkles crinkling up at the corner of his eyes. He had never appeared so perfect to her, the portrait of loyalty and steadfastness. 

She lowered her mental walls, aware that the force of her emotions could overwhelm him but wanting everything she felt and thought laid out on the table. He deserved it. He deserved to know how deeply loved he was by her and that she had absolutely no reservations about their life together. 

She made her way to him, standing in front of him, eyes cast down at the ground. He gently lifted the veil and draped it over her hair, his features softening at her expression and eyes appearing lighter with shiny tears. 

But before she could revel in that, they were gone. He leaned down and kissed her cheek, hands holding her fingertips gently. She was enraptured, unable to speak as the moment swirled around them, the birds silenced and the wind calm; the chimes still and scarcely a breath heard. Sharp tingles ran through her body as she realized she was about to join her life with her best friend. 

Minerva, Hermione, and Hagrid were the only people in attendance. They had agreed to be the officiant and witnesses, respectively. When they returned from their honeymoon, they agreed to hold a celebratory dinner for the staff to "share in their joy" which was mostly at Minerva's behest. 

Most of the staff either didn't care that they were together or they didn't notice; but that was fine for the two of them. Love didn't need to announce itself, it simply lived. 

Minerva cleared her throat, her high bun covered with a lovely diamond comb which was sparkling in the sunlight and she spoke out jovially

"We are here to celebrate the love between two people: Serena Grace Barrett and Severus Tobias Snape. I will begin with a genuine congratulations to you both. Love is at the same time the easiest and most difficult thing one can master. Potions or charms can be completed by anyone with a wand, but love is a different beast. Love requires selflessness, dedication, and inner sacrifice. I see all of those qualities in the two of you. 

I knew Severus would be a talented man when I met him as a child and that it would take a special woman to appreciate and coax the softer side of life out of him as he grew into an adult. To accept him as he is and not overbear on him the unnecessary niceties of life. He is loyal, brave, and true. He only deserves a woman of equal caliber. Someone deserving of the same respect and dignity. You my dear Serena, are all of those things. You are a brilliant witch. I am honored to have you on my staff. 

You bring light and healing, and are not afraid to be a raw nerve. You see past the exterior and dive into the world. That is a gift. To love one another is timeless, and is the greatest strength and weapon that we have against evil. Love will always prevail, as we have seen. And, as I'm sure we will continue to see. Now, I know that you two wish to have your personal vows kept private. I respect that. I will ask you both to recite these separate statements after me..." 

They continued to stare into each other's eyes, warm smiles radiating, shields down as if no one else was in the room. Severus had his walls down, images of them making love, him laying beside her as he waited for her to wake up, reading together, walking, laughing, practicing Charms, having dinner, the undeniable love, want, and fierce devotion were all flooding her mind. 

Happy and desirous energy flowed through to him from her fingertips, making his body feel as if it were levitating. He had doubted the genuineness of her feelings, often thinking they were of pity or of a primal need to heal. But. he would never doubt her desire or soul level need for him ever again. 

Minerva stated each sentence and they repeated the public vows that they had come up with together since neither of them wanted to wax poetic about their feelings in front of people. That would come later. 

"I will honor your life with my life.   
I will respect you even in anger.   
I will choose you everyday.   
I trust you to love me the best you know how.   
I will always take care of your mind, body, and soul.   
I will be your partner and helper.   
I will protect you.   
I will love you to the best of my abilities and then some.   
I will never stop growing in love and understanding for you.   
I will choose to look for the joy even in hardship.   
I will forgive graciously and judge wisely.   
I will walk every path with your feet beside mine so we can hold each other up.   
I will love, always and forever, until my last breath." 

Minerva had to pause between some of the words as her voice caught in her throat, looking between the two of them. They had no interest in the small crowd around them, it was as if the two were encircled in a protective cloud. 

Hermione sat with a grin plastered on her face and Hagrid noisily blew his nose into a pink and white checkered handkerchief. She had been to many weddings, but the sincerity between the two of them was different. A unification between two souls who simply understood the other. Pure and sincere love. 

"Here are your rings..." Minerva said, the rings floating up out of her palm. 

They were simple circular bands, white gold. Slim, elegant, and timeless. They slipped them on easily, hands returning tightly to each other. 

"Take out your wands" she continued, wiping a tear from her eye. 

Hermione brought her wand up to her in a box because if anyone but her would touch it or attempt to use it, the wand would wilt. It was built out of a lovely hazel wood, only chosen by those who were sensitive to the vibrations of the world and the nearly undefinable emotional proclivities that each human possessed with a core of White River monster spine which only chose the best spell casters. It was the perfect wand for an empathic healer. 

Severus pulled out his strong ebony wand with the ornate scrolling designs on the edge. His was a strong and unyielding wood, but listened only to the loyal and determined spirit. 

They touched the tips of the wands together, a bright golden glow emitting from them. Silver mist rose up from her wand and a darker grey arose from Severus' and they mixed together in a double helix form. 

"Please, repeat the magical vow" Minerva whispered, continually awestruck at the beautiful display. 

"Unim eternis" they both casted the spell and a rush of white light washed over the room. 

Serena had never seen anything like that, a physical manifestation of their souls joining one another, their wands accepting the other's power, their lives forever bonded. Severus was smiling ear to ear, eyes watching the silvery mist dissipate into the air. 

"You may seal your vows with a kiss" she continued kindly, a smitten grin on her face. 

Hermione was weak in the knees at the love flowing out from Serena and Snape, their energy was palpable. Someday she wished to find that type of love. Who knew it was possible to come from someone who seemed so harsh? She realized the hard shell only hid his inner softness. That would be a lesson to remember. 

Severus lifted his hand to her cheeks and stroked from her ear to her chin, gingerly touching his nose to hers. She reached her hands up to his jaw, her eyes glazed over with syrupy sweet adoration. 

She whispered raggedly "I love you" 

He grinned, not caring that everyone could see his emotions, stating proudly "I love you too" 

She felt the pull to him, their lips meeting fully, time standing still. The moment suspended. She wanted to do so much more. So. Much. More. Their honeymoon was a month in the forests of Estonia, visiting the small villages and spending time alone in seclusion. 

The forests had a spiritual appeal, they were full of potion ingredients, the villages were full of old book stores, and the streets were perfect for walking in near anonymity. They had planned a few stops, but also prepared a lot of time to simply revel in each other's company. There would be no world except what was between them. Utter bliss. 

They turned to face the small crowd of three, beautiful and besotted grins on their faces. The wand were pulled again as the marriage certificate was signed, sealed, and attached to Oscar to fly to the ministry. Minerva's heart swelled as she saw Severus truly happy, fulfilled, and cared for. It changed him for the better. 

Handshakes and hugs were exchanged, and suddenly Severus swooped down and picked Serena up. She leaned her head against his chest, arms securely clasped around his neck. 

"What shall we do now, my beautiful wife?" he rumbled, kissing her forehead and nose. 

"I'll gladly show you..." she answered back saucily, kissing his neck greedily as he tapped the Portkey tree stump with his foot to take them to their destination.


	19. Epilogue

"Do you remember our honeymoon?" Serena asked him on their anniversary six years later. 

Floating candles graced their home, the light scent of vanilla and almond cozily wrapping them up. The stars were just beginning to peek out of the dusky purple and indigo night sky. 

She looked even more beautiful than she did when he first saw her running up the aisle in the Great Hall. 

Her hair had streaks of silver now and her face was not as sharp, the veins on her delicate hands beginning to rise closer to the surface. He had started to show signs of middle age such as a similar silver streaked head but it was a sign of living life well. Many were not granted that privilege. 

He sat down beside his wife, placing a kiss on her shoulder. How could he not remember? They had all but devoured each other on that first night, barely able to get in the door of their home, clothing ripped off, hot breaths declaring their intent, and toe curling screams. 

A total loss of control and enjoyment in that fact. He had never felt completely at peace until that month in the woods of Estonia. They loved it so much there that they built a second home on a small plot of land close to a village. 

He bared his soul that trip, completely lowering his walls and letting Serena in on all of his secrets. She cried deep, lung wracking sobs for his soul which had been "obliterated into pieces, then sewn back together." 

She returned the favor, if it could be called that, and showed him the abuse she suffered at the hands of her parents, and how she trained to become a Charms master in order to help children learn how to defend themselves. He had been enraged, threatening the whole of the world for hurting his true love. 

They were soul spent, but it was incredibly worth it. 

"Dada!" came a sudden squeal from the floor below them. 

Severus looked down at their one year old son Atlas Prince Snape. The pudgy baby grinned, the drool free flowing out of his four toothed mouth. He lifted his arms hopefully to him, the happy squeals growing louder. 

Severus had never expected to be a father. He never thought a family was in his cards. But a few years into their marriage, both had felt a similar tug for expansion. It was the truest test of grace for him. 

He swore to her belly during pregnancy that he would be a better father and break the cycle of violence and disrespect. For certain he was still sarcastic and sharp tongued but around his son and wife, he was smooth and warm. They were his strength and weakness all rolled into one. 

When the doctor placed a still bloody newborn Atlas into his arms, he knew he would make it. That his son could be whoever he wanted and he would support him. Love unconditional. 

He would do absolutely anything for them and he knew without a doubt that Serena would destroy the earth if it meant keeping them both safe and loved. 

She had trusted him fully when he taught an apprentice to take over his role at Hogwarts for a whole year. When he opened his own apothecary in Hogsmeade and when he became the main potion brewer for St. Mungo's Hospital. 

She continued to teach at Hogwarts, where they all resided during the school year. Atlas received the best care of a magical nanny during school hours and Severus returned to their quarters each night. 

A life of blessed routine. Fidelity like clockwork. A reprieve from a previous lifetime of imprisonment, fully free to partake in the joyousness of life despite its sometimes tedious nature. Security in the peace. A world all their own. 

"Yes my love, I remember" he kissed her softly. 

He then picked up Atlas, holding the dark haired, bourbon brown eyed baby close to his chest to stop him from making the pile of toys fly into his lap in order to get his attention. Serena often remarked that they would be in trouble as he grew, but Severus looked forward to it. 

Harnessing the power of magic was a lot like immersing yourself in love and learning how to use its power for good. And now, he understood how to do both. 

"I'm glad I asked you for tea..." she murmured, leaning against him, gratefulness washing over them. 

"Me too...I love you" he stated proudly, the fear with that phrase long since gone. 

"I love you too" she answered, intertwining her arms with his and settling in for a few minutes of peace with her beautiful family before the bedtime routine started.


End file.
